It
is
May
the
4th,
which
means
that
every
social
media
intern
is
straining
to
make
a
half-relevant
Star
Wars
reference.
Sadly,
the
Department
of
Justice
has
joined
this
trend,
with
an
entry
that
encapsulates
the
once-venerable
institution’s
precipitous
fall
from
grace
since
—
for
lack
of
a
better
phrase
—
“somehow,
Trump
returned.”
Exhibiting
all
the
artistic
craftsmanship
of
the
Holiday
Special,
the
official
U.S.
Attorneys
account
just
belched
out
a
yellow-text
crawl
begging
for
new
recruits
to
stanch
the
talent
deficit
caused
after
the
DOJ
lost
over
a
quarter
of
its
lawyers.
This
is,
amazingly,
worse
than
you
can
possibly
imagine:
It
is,
by
far,
not
the
most
important
thing
happening
here,
but
that’s
the
logo
font
not
the
crawl
font.
Which,
for
the
record,
is
News
Gothic.
Whoever
made
this
could
not
be
bothered
to
JUST
GOOGLE
“Star
Wars
opening
crawl”
to
see
what
it
looks
like
before
posting
on
behalf
of
the
federal
government’s
prosecutorial
arm.
They
put
so
little
effort
into
this
post
you’d
think
they
were
trying
to
send
it
to
an
El
Salvadoran
slave
camp.
The
production
quality
is
recruiting
like
a
UHF
channel
ad
hawking
the
local
Ewok
furry
convention.
If
you
can’t
watch
the
video,
the
crawl
reads:
The
USAO
Is
Hiring.
Will
You
Answer
The
Call
To
Justice?
In
The
Pursuit
of
the
Law,
There
Is
No
Try
—
Only
Do.
Do
Great
Things.
Apply
Today.
A
Jar
Jar
Binks-themed
burlesque
show
would
not
offend
the
basic
premise
of
Star
Wars
any
worse
than
this
tweet.
Assuming
the
most
benign
administration
—
which
this
is
not
—
prosecutors
are
the
Empire!
They
are
the
big
bureaucratic
institution
designed
to
punish
people.
In
this
administration,
where
the
DOJ
lies
to
courts,
persecutes
refugees,
filing
criminal
charges
against
civil
rights
workers,
and
building
a
massive,
unnecessary
palace
for
its
emperor,
this
agency
LARPs
as
the
Empire
at
its
most
cartoonishly
evil.
But
most
of
all,
this
post
is
just
sad.
The
legal
profession
is,
admittedly,
too
stuffy.
But
the
Department
of
Justice
is
not
the
corner
of
the
profession
that
needs
to
loosen
up.
Prosecutors
are
charged
with
the
most
awesome
and
potentially
destructive
power
available
to
a
lawyer.
The
people
filling
these
positions
have
the
power
to
bring
the
fully
armed
and
operational
force
of
the
federal
government
to
bear
on
an
individual,
with
that
person’s
life
and
liberty
on
the
line.
It’s
the
same
problem
as
judges
putting
punchlines
in
their
opinions
—
it’s
all
well
and
good
when
corporations
quibble
over
contracts,
but
it’s
grotestque
to
work
on
your
tight
five
while
exiling
a
human
being
to
prison.
Prosecutors
should
respect
the
gravity
of
the
position.
In
February,
former
Trump
DOJ
Chief
of
Staff
Chad
Mizelle
posted
a
tweet
asking
prospective
AUSAs
to
slide
into
his
DMs.
But
that
was
the
Last
Jedi
to
this
Rise
of
Skywalker
—
this
is
a
whole
new
low
befitting
an
institution
that
just
brought
a
criminal
case
over
seashells.
Who
greenlit
this
script?
“In
the
pursuit
of
the
law”?
But
you
don’t
pursue
the
law,
you
practice
law.
You
pursue
justice.
(Well,
this
DOJ
doesn’t,
but
in
theory.)
And
I
get
that
they’re
aiming
for
Yoda
—
“Do
or
do
not,
there
is
no
try”
—
but
the
line
“There
Is
No
Try
—
Only
Do”
lands
closer
to
Charlie
from
It’s
Always
Sunny.
Then
again,
this
DOJ
writes
briefs
like
an
illiterate
concussion
patient,
so
maybe
this
is
their
target
recruitment
audience.
If
an
insurance
lawyer
and
a
parking
garage
lawyer
can
pretend
to
be
U.S.
Attorneys,
then
maybe
it’s
time
for
an
expert
in
Bird
Law.
Joe
Patrice is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law
and
co-host
of
Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer.
Feel
free
to email
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments.
Follow
him
on Twitter or
Bluesky
if
you’re
interested
in
law,
politics,
and
a
healthy
dose
of
college
sports
news.
Joe
also
serves
as
a
Managing
Director
at
RPN
Executive
Search.