In
my
next
life,
I
want
to
work
on
Wall
Street.
Not
because
I
like
finance,
but
because
Wall
Street
traders
originally
came
up
with
the
acronym
“TACO,”
for
“Trump
Always
Chickens
Out.” And
then,
last
week,
another
trader
ginned
up
“NACHO,”
for
“Not
A
Chance
Hormuz
Opens.”
I
want
to
work
with
those
guys: They’re
a
hoot,
and
you
make
a
lot
of
money,
too!
Alas,
it’s
just
me,
my
imagination,
and
artificial
intelligence
here
at
my
desktop. Together,
the
three
of
us
have
come
up
with
some
additions
to
the
TACO
and
NACHO
explanations
for
Trump.
Consider
SALSA: “Speaks
Aggressively,
Later
Softens
Approach.”
BURRITO
is
a
tough
one;
too
many
letters.
I
was
thinking
of
using
BURRITO
as
a
rejoinder
to
the
disillusioned
MAGA
faithful: “But
U
Really,
Really
Insisted
Trump’s
Outstanding.”
On
reflection,
that’s
a
cheat
on
the
“U.” I
asked
Perplexity
to
expand
my
imagination. It
suggested
“Backtracks
Under
Risk,
Retreats
Instead,
Talks
Tough
Only.”
Sorry,
Perplexity: Not
funny,
and
what’s
with
misspelling
“burrito”
as
“burritto”?
There
are
some
jobs
you
won’t
be
taking
over
quickly.
For
use
at
press
conferences,
how
about
QUESO: “QUickly
Evades,
Says
‘Options’”? Or
don’t
you
like
the
cheat
on
QUickly?
Alright,
see
if
JALAPENO
is
spicy
enough
for
your
taste: “Just
Acts
Loud
And
Provocative;
Ends
Notably
Overcautious.”
Or,
if
we’re
going
for
the
Mexican
foods
with
long
names,
consider
EMPANADA: “Escalates
Messaging,
Pulls
Away,
No
Actual
Direct
Action.”
Or
FAJITA: “Fiery
At
Jump;
Immediately
Turns
Accommodating.”
HUEVOS? “Hypes
Up
Every
Verbal
Outburst;
Softens.”
TORTA?
“Threatens
Often;
Retreats,
Then
Adjusts.”
For
dessert,
how
about
CHURROS? “Claims
He’s
Unyielding,
Retreats
Rapidly;
Often
Softens.”
Or
do
you
think
I
should
be
getting
out
more?
In
any
event,
writing
this
column
has
made
me
hungry.
I
think
I’ll
grab
some
MEXICAN
FOOD,
because
it
fits
me
so
perfectly: “Mostly
Exaggerated,
eXtra-Informal
Claims
And
Nonsense
—
Fundamentally
Out
Of
Date.”
I’ll
see
you
over
at
TACO
BELL: Talks
Aggressive
Claims
Often,
Backtracks,
Ends
Largely
Limp
or
maybe
CHIPOTLE: Claims
Hardline
Intentions,
Pulls
Off
Threats,
Leaves
Everything.
Okay;
I’m
finished
now.
ADIOS: Alright,
Done;
I’m
Obviously
Silly.
They’d
never
have
me
on
WALL
STREET
anyway.
Witless
And
Logically
Lax
—
Shallow,
Trite,
Redundant,
Error‑Ridden,
Egregiously
Tedious.
Mark Herrmann spent
17
years
as
a
partner
at
a
leading
international
law
firm
and
later
oversaw
litigation,
compliance
and
employment
matters
at
a
large
international
company.
He
is
the
author
of The
Curmudgeon’s
Guide
to
Practicing
Law and Drug
and
Device
Product
Liability
Litigation
Strategy (affiliate
links).
You
can
reach
him
by
email
at [email protected].