like
this
complaint.
(Photo
by
Chip
Somodevilla/Getty
Images)
Somewhere
in
the
Department
of
Justice,
a
light
flickered
and
someone
fresh
off
losing
a
night
of
Constitution-themed
bar
trivia
with
Pete
Hegseth
decided
to
sue
the
entire
bench
of
the
U.S.
District
Court
for
the
District
of
Maryland.
Every.
Single.
Judge.
Plus
the
Clerk.
And
the
court
itself.
In
that
court.
The
complaint,
which
reads
like
it
was
drafted
at
a
sovereign
citizen
potluck,
is
a
broadside
against
the
Maryland
federal
courts
for
imposing
a
standing
order
requiring
two
business
days
between
someone
filing
a
petition
for
habeas
relief
and
the
Trump
White
House
disappearing
that
person
to
an
El
Salvadoran
slave
camp.
And
lest
you
think
the
sovereign
citizen
comparison
is
too
much,
the
complaint
goes
into
unrelated
grievance
farming
in
paragraph
2…
before
it
even
gets
into
the
instant
dispute!
Despite
these
elementary
principles,
in
recent
months
and
years,
district
courts
have
used
and
abused
their
equitable
powers
to
interfere
with
the
prerogatives
of
the
Executive
Branch
to
an
unprecedented
degree.
In
the
first
100
days
of
President
Trump’s
current
Term,
district
courts
have
entered
more
nationwide
injunctions
than
in
the
100
years
from
1900
to
2000,
requiring
the
Supreme
Court
to
intervene
again
and
again
in
recent
weeks
to
pause
the
unlawful
restraint
of
the
President’s
exercise
of
core
Article
II
powers.
It
feels
like
some
of
us
were
looking
for
nationwide
injunction
reform
back
when
anyone
could
forge
a
library
card
in
Amarillo
and
strike
down
abortion
treatments
in
Chicago.
I
wonder
where
these
folks
were
then.
Psst.
They
were
in
Amarillo.
Anyway,
the
DOJ’s
jeremiad
over
injunctive
relief
tangentially
relates
to
the
Maryland
order
because,
through
the
constitutional
funhouse
mirrors
over
at
DOJ,
this
48-hour
processing
break
is
an
“automatic
injunction”
giving
every
petitioner
the
equivalent
of
an
exploding
preliminary
injunction
regardless
of
the
circumstances
underlying
the
case.
These
are
the
same
people
who
scream
bloody
murder
and
insinuate
foul
play
whenever
they
aren’t
given
a
week
to
brief
a
temporary
restraining
order
pending
full
briefing
so
it’s
a
natural
extension
from
there
to
“it’s
UNLEGAL
that
we
can’t
preemptively
moot
habeas
petitions.”
To
be
clear,
the
order
does
not
actually
require
the
court
to
decide
the
order
or
even
hear
it
—
it
just
grants
the
courts
48
hours
to
keep
up
with
the
administration’s
escalating
and
haphazard
immigration
enforcement
efforts.
As
this
administration
has
already
taken
the
public
stance
that
once
they
get
someone
over
international
waters
they
no
longer
have
to
acknowledge
due
process,
you
can
understand
why
a
court
might
adopt
a
cooling
off
period
before
a
petitioner
gets
ghosted
out
of
the
country.
That’s
just
docket
triage.
This
isn’t
even
a
fringe
interpretation
of
the
court’s
proper
function.
THE
SUPREME
COURT
of
all
institutions
unanimously
ruled
that
these
deportees
must
be
afforded
due
process
and,
for
the
purposes
of
the
Alien
Enemies
Act,
that
explicitly
manifests
itself
in
the
form
of
a
writ
of
habeas
corpus.
The
DOJ
has
taken
to
openly
misquoting
that
opinion
so
they
clearly
don’t
care
about
it
and
Kristi
Noem
has
no
idea
what
the
fuck
habeas
even
is,
but
for
the
rest
of
us,
especially
the
judges
of
the
District
of
Maryland,
that
decision
tends
to
suggest
that
habeas
has
a
role
to
play
in
ICE’s
summer
stock
presentation
of
The
Purge.
In
particular,
district
courts
lack
jurisdiction
to
hear
challenges
arising
from
removal
proceedings
or
to
issue
orders
that
enjoin
or
restrain
execution
of
removal
orders.
Shockingly,
the
next
sentence
is
not
about
how
the
gold-fringe
on
the
courthouse
flags
makes
them
really
maritime
courts.
It’s
not
much
more
coherent
though.
Congress
has
instead
expressly
and
intentionally
channeled
challenges
to
removal
proceedings
to
a
specific
process
in
the
courts
of
appeals
and
imposed
various
other
bars
on
judicial
review.
Defendants’
automatic
injunction
thus
extends
relief
as
of
right
that
district
courts
entirely
lack
jurisdiction
to
issue.
And
in
those
cases…
the
government
will
win.
When
the
government
mistakenly
nabs
a
U.S.
citizen
off
the
street
saying
he’s
a
gang
member
from
Agrabah,
that
person
is
going
to
have
a
habeas
case
that
probably
should
get
heard
before
he
ends
up
in
South
Sudan.
The
Orders
can
also
adversely
impact
the
operational
planning
necessary
to
coordinate
a
removal,
especially
a
removal
of
an
alien
to
a
country
that
is
recalcitrant
about
accepting
the
alien.
Removals
can
take
months
of
sensitive
diplomacy
to
arrange
and
often
do
not
completely
come
together
until
the
last
minute.
A
delay
can
undo
all
of
those
arrangements
and
require
months
of
additional
work
before
removal
can
be
attempted
again.
Months,
eh?
Good
thing
this
is
only
two
days
then!
These
are
the
people
who
held
a
guy
in
El
Salvador
for
83
days
after
they
knew
they
sent
him
by
mistake.
They
kept
Mahmoud
Khalil
locked
up
for
104
days
for
free
speechifying.
These
folks
don’t
exactly
have
a
fire
under
their
asses
to
get
their
work
done.
The
government
keeps
stepping
on
rakes
as
it
attempts
to
articulate
a
harm
because
every
“harm”
it
comes
up
with
applies
to
the
mere
existence
of
habeas
corpus,
not
the
order.
The
quasi-cognizable
legal
theory
in
this
case
is
that
the
courts
should
have
to
issue
individual
48
hour
stays
for
each
petition
filed.
OK…
but
all
of
the
government’s
bitching
and
moaning
about
bed
space
and
the
freedom
to
magic
up
“delicate
diplomacy”
at
a
moment’s
notice
would
still
happen.
Without
the
standing
order
it
would
hypothetically
happen…
less?
That’s
not
particularly
compelling.
Trump’s
goons,
as
they
say,
protest
too
much.
They
can’t
deal
with
a
48
hour
window
to
paper
up
a
quick
habeas
response
because
they
don’t
have
one.
Making
this
a
literal
federal
case
only
shines
a
light
on
this.
Not
to
give
the
administration
advice
in
evil,
but
if
they
just
kept
their
mouths
shut
they’d
succeed
with
the
overwhelming
majority
of
these
deportations,
both
because
the
courts
have
made
habeas
cases
hard
to
win
and,
more
importantly,
because
most
of
these
people
probably
don’t
realize
they
even
have
habeas
rights
to
exercise!
They’ve
basically
Streisand
Effect-ed
the
Constitution,
which…
thanks,
I
guess?
But
winning
this
case
probably
isn’t
the
goal
as
much
as
putting
on
a
pity
party
pageant
for
the
audience
in
the
White
House.
Oh,
the
mean
judges
are
out
to
get
you,
sir,
but
we’re
fighting
for
you
because
they’re
a
bunch
of
radical
hacks
(even
if
you
appointed
one
of
them).
Pure
sycophancy
in
the
form
of
legal
process.
Every
unlawful
order
entered
by
the
district
courts
robs
the
Executive
Branch
of
its
most
scarce
resource:
time
to
put
its
policies
into
effect.
In
the
process,
such
orders
diminish
the
votes
of
the
citizens
who
elected
the
head
of
the
Executive
Branch.
Calm
down
sport.
The
judges
aren’t
suspending
elections
—
that’s
for
the
Supreme
Court
in
a
couple
years
—
they’re
making
sure
no
meritorious
claims
get
lost
in
a
sea
of
paperwork.
AT
THE
COST
OF
TWO
DAYS.
Just
performative
venting
so
Pam
Bondi
has
something
to
talk
about
at
the
next
North
Korea
inspired
cabinet
meeting
between
Sean
Duffy
explaining
that
America
doesn’t
really
need
Newark
Airport
anyway
and
RFK
Jr.
leading
a
teach-in
about
“balancing
the
humors.”
Just
a
complete
waste
of
time…
and
one
that
will
manage
to
waste
more
than
two
days.
(Complaint
on
the
next
page…)
Joe
Patrice is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law
and
co-host
of
Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer.
Feel
free
to email
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments.
Follow
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Bluesky
if
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Joe
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