Ed.
note:
This
article
is
part
of
Parental
Leave
&
The
Legal
Profession,
a
special
series
for
Above
the
Law
that
explores
the
realities
of
parental
leave
and
return-to-work
in
law
firms.
From
planning
leave
to
reintegration,
from
the
role
of
managers
to
the
mental
load
of
Biglaw
parents,
these
articles
bring
research,
clinical
insight,
and
practical
strategies
to
help
lawyers
and
the
firms
that
employ
them
navigate
one
of
the
most
critical
transitions
of
their
careers.
The
Quiet
Shock
of
Coming
Back
When
Dana,
a
senior
associate,
returned
from
parental
leave,
she
expected
a
few
chaotic
days.
What
she
didn’t
expect
was
the
lingering
disorientation:
guilt
for
leaving
her
baby,
guilt
for
not
being
fully
present
at
work,
and
a
fear
that
she
no
longer
fit
neatly
into
either
world.
She
also
felt
the
pressure
of
returning
to
a
culture
that
sent
a
clear
message:
Say
yes
to
everything,
that’s
how
you
survive
here.
Working
parents
know
that
life
without
boundaries
isn’t
viable,
yet
law
firms
still
reward
constant
availability.
That
tension
fuels
enormous
anxiety
during
the
return.
Even
in
firms
that
offer
lengthy
leaves,
there
is
often
little
guidance
on
what
the
return
looks
like:
how
re-onboarding
works,
how
to
talk
to
partners
about
workload,
where
flexibility
exists,
or
what
a
healthy
ramp-up
might
entail.
The
leave
may
be
supported,
but
the
return
is
often
invisible.
Layered
on
top
of
the
transition
to
parenthood
is
a
shift
that
gets
less
attention:
the
transition
from
working
person
to
working
parent.
That
identity
change
is
profound,
and
rarely
named.
As
one
partner
shared
after
her
third
leave:
“You
don’t
come
back
as
the
same
person.
But
you
might
come
back
clearer,
stronger,
and
more
sustainable
if
you
stop
fighting
the
fact
that
things
have
changed.”
Why
It
Feels
So
Hard
The
challenge
of
returning
is
multidimensional
–
logistical,
emotional,
physiological,
and
systemic.
-
You’re
navigating
two
major
roles
at
once.
Holding
the
demands
of
your
career
and
early
parenthood
simultaneously
is
complex. -
Your
brain
is
still
adjusting.
Research
shows
there
are
ongoing
neuroplastic
changes
over
the
first
postpartum
year,
and
those
cognitive
shifts
create
unfamiliar
feelings
as
you
settle
back
into
work. -
The
workplace
hasn’t
evolved
fast
enough.
Many
firms
operate
on
an
unrealistic
“ideal
worker”
model
who
is
always
available,
despite
the
realities
of
caregiving.
The
tension
that
arises
does
not
reflect
a
lack
of
commitment
or
capability
but
the
systems
and
culture
you’re
returning
to.
Step
One:
Rebuild
Confidence
Gradually
Some
lawyers
experience
a
dip
in
confidence
when
they
return,
not
because
their
skills
eroded,
but
because
they’re
holding
two
enormous
responsibilities
at
once.
Rather
than
overextending
yourself
to
“make
up”
for
being
gone,
start
with
intention.
Choose
one
or
two
matters
where
you
can
quickly
add
value
and
rebuild
momentum.
Schedule
early
check-ins
with
key
partners
or
clients,
not
to
justify
yourself,
but
to
reestablish
clarity
and
connection.
Confidence
grows
from
competence,
not
perfection.
And
the
capacity
to
nurture
and
lead
are
not
opposites;
they
often
strengthen
each
other.
Step
Two:
Redefine
What
“Full
Capacity”
Means
One
of
the
most
damaging
myths
is
that
you
should
“bounce
back”
to
your
old
pace
immediately.
Your
normal
has
changed
for
now.
But
this
is
a
season,
not
your
permanent
reality.
A
gradual
ramp-up
with
lower
billables
for
a
few
weeks,
more
remote
days,
or
easing
into
major
matters
can
create
a
sustainable
foundation.
Research
from
the
Center
for
WorkLife
Law
shows
that
phased
reintegration
improves
both
retention
and
performance
for
new
parents.
If
your
firm
doesn’t
offer
a
phased
ramp-up
option,
propose
one
as
a
strategy
for
delivering
consistent,
high-quality
work
during
this
transitional
period.
At
home,
give
yourself
the
same
grace:
ask
for
a
lot
of
help.
Delegate,
outsource
when
possible,
and
allow
some
tasks
to
be
“good
enough.”
Sustainability
over
martyrdom
is
the
goal.
Step
Three:
Protect
Your
Mental
Health
The
return
period
is
a
vulnerable
time.
Sleep
deprivation,
identity
shifts,
and
cognitive
overload
can
mimic
early
burnout.
Professional
women
in
high-pressure
fields
are
at
increased
risk
for
postpartum
anxiety
and
depression
during
the
first
year
(Rihm,
et.
al.,
2025).
If
you
notice
persistent
irritability,
overwhelm,
or
guilt,
reach
out
early,
whether
to
a
therapist,
coach,
doctor,
or
trusted
peer.
Ensuring
you
have
these
resources
is
not
a
weakness;
it’s
foundational
to
effective
leadership.
Advocate
for
support
at
work
too.
Join
a
working-parent
ERG
if
your
firm
has
one.
Use
coaching
or
parental-leave
resources.
And
if
these
supports
don’t
exist,
your
request
may
be
the
catalyst
for
building
them.
Step
Four:
Create
a
Home
System
That
Works
for
You
A
sustainable
return
requires
a
sustainable
home
ecosystem.
Discuss
logistics
with
your
partner
or
support
system
before
you
go
back:
who
handles
daycare
drop-offs,
sick
days,
bedtime
routines,
or
last-minute
emergencies?
Unspoken
assumptions
create
resentment;
clear
agreements
create
stability.
Research
shows
that
women
still
perform
most
of
the
“cognitive
labor”
at
home
even
in
dual-career
households
(Daminger,
2019).
This
invisible
work
of
anticipating,
planning,
and
coordinating
is
one
of
the
biggest
contributors
to
overwhelm
during
the
return-to-work
transition.
We’ll
be
devoting
a
full
article
to
the
mental
load
in
February:
how
it
impacts
lawyers
specifically,
why
it’s
often
ignored
inside
firms,
and
what
can
actually
help
to
address
it.
For
now,
know
that
redistributing
invisible
labor
can
dramatically
reduce
stress
and
increase
capacity.
Community
matters
here
too:
neighbors,
friends,
and
other
working
parents
at
the
firm
can
create
a
support
network
that
buffers
the
unpredictability
of
early
parenthood.
Step
Five:
Let
Yourself
Reassess
Returning
from
leave
is
not
the
time
for
sweeping
career
decisions,
but
it
is
a
time
to
pay
attention.
You
may
gain
clarity
about
your
priorities,
leadership
style,
or
long-term
goals.
You
may
discover
that
certain
roles
energize
you
more
than
before,
or
that
changes
are
needed.
You
don’t
have
to
decide
everything
now.
But
staying
curious
about
what
this
transition
is
teaching
you
can
be
grounding.
The
Bigger
Picture
Some
firms
have
made
meaningful
progress.
Many
have
not.
Individuals
cannot
fix
systemic
problems
alone,
but
choices
you
make
matter
in
realms
such
as
setting
boundaries,
ramping
up,
and
caring
for
yourself.
In
the
next
article,
we’ll
shift
to
the
organizational
lens:
the
business
case
for
supporting
working
parents,
and
why
the
firms
that
do
this
well
win.
Marny
Requa,
JD is
an
academic,
coach,
and
consultant
with
global
experience
and
gender
equity
expertise. Dr.
Anne
Welsh is
a
clinical
psychologist,
executive
coach,
and
consultant
with
a
specialization
in
supporting
working
parents
in
law.
Both
are
certified
RETAIN
Parental
Leave
Coaches,
engaging
a
research-backed
methodology
to
support
and
retain
employees
as
they
grow
their
families.