By
now,
the
script
for
Women’s
History
Month
programming
in
Biglaw
is
a
familiar
dance:
celebrate
trailblazing
women,
talk
mentorship,
sprinkle
in
some
“you
can
have
it
all,”
and
wrap
before
anyone
has
to
jump
on
a
client
call.
But
at
one
recent
firm
event,
a
new
partner
decided
to
skip
the
platitudes
and
go
straight
for
the
truth…
and,
well,
the
truth
is
a
little
bleak.
During
a
panel
featuring
several
female
partners,
one
newly
minted
member
of
the
partnership
club
was
asked
the
perennial
question,
“how
do
you
juggle
being
a
working
mom?”
And
her
answer
was
disarmingly
candid.
“Sometimes
things
drop.
Sometimes
you’re
going
to
miss
things.
Sometimes
you’re
going
to
miss
a
child’s
birthday
party,
maybe
even
your
own
child’s.”
Record
scratch.
Or,
as
one
Above
the
Law
tipster
dryly
put
it:
“Really
inspirational……….”
On
the
one
hand,
genuine
kudos
for
the
honesty.
Biglaw
has
long
thrived
on
a
carefully
curated
illusion
that
if
you
just
optimize
hard
enough,
lean
in
aggressively
enough,
and
maybe
download
the
right
calendar
app,
you
too
can
crush
it
at
work
and
never
miss
a
meaningful
moment
at
home.
It’s
a
nice
story.
It’s
also,
as
anyone
who
has
ever
billed
2,400
hours
knows,
mostly
fiction.
So
there’s
something
refreshing
about
a
partner
saying
the
quiet
part
out
loud.
This
job
will
take
things
from
you,
and
sometimes
those
things
are
irreplaceable.
It’s
also
deeply,
profoundly
sad.
Not
in
a
judgmental
way!
No
one
listening
to
that
answer
thinks
this
partner
doesn’t
love
her
kid
enough.
But
the
demands
of
Biglaw
aren’t
theoretical,
they
are
relentless,
and
they
do
not
politely
step
aside
for
cake
and
candles.
Everyone
walking
into
Biglaw
understands,
at
least
abstractly,
the
tradeoff.
The
paycheck
is
enormous,
the
prestige
is
real,
and
in
exchange,
your
time
is…
not
entirely
your
own.
Nights,
weekends,
vacations
are
all
negotiable.
But
there’s
still
a
persistent
myth,
especially
in
these
kinds
of
panel
discussions,
that
with
enough
grit
and
grace,
you
can
bend
that
reality
into
something
resembling
balance.
You
can’t.
Not
really.
And
moments
like
this,
uncomfortable,
unscripted,
and
a
little
too
real,
expose
the
gap
between
the
profession’s
branding
and
its
lived
experience.
“Having
it
all”
sounds
great
on
a
recruiting
brochure.
It
sounds
a
lot
less
convincing
when
“all”
explicitly
includes
missing
your
own
kid’s
birthday.
Kathryn
Rubino
is
a
Senior
Editor
at
Above
the
Law,
host
of
The
Jabot
podcast,
and
co-host
of
Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer.
AtL
tipsters
are
the
best,
so
please
connect
with
her.
Feel
free
to
email
her
with
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments
and
follow
her
on
Twitter
@Kathryn1 or
Mastodon
@[email protected].