by
Win
McNamee/Getty
Images)
Chief
Justice
John
Roberts
is
still
“barely
invited”
to
this
year’s
State
of
the
Union,
but
the
rest
of
us
will
have
to
absorb
the
festivities
from
the
comfort
of
our
own
homes.
As
is
the
quasi-annual
tradition
at
Above
the
Law,
we
have
prepared
a
State
of
the
Union
Drinking
Game,
as
a
solemn
civic
service
to
America’s
lawyers
who
gather
to
watch
constitutional
order
strain
under
the
weight
of
sundowning
fascism.
It’s
a
speech
that
drove
Justice
Ginsburg
to
drink
and
that
was
during
a
sane
administration.
Traditionally
this
is
a
drinking
game,
but
obviously
it
doesn’t
have
to
be.
For
any
of
you
concerned
about
crossing
the
line
into
substance
abuse,
feel
free
to
play
with
any
other
metric
you
wish.
Virgin
margaritas,
iced
coffee,
smacking
yourself
in
the
face
with
a
hammer…
whatever
gets
you
through
the
spectacle
of
Donald
Trump
ambling
through
grievances
while
trying
to
avoid
sharting
himself…
again?
If
you’re
one
of
the
justices
staying
home
because
the
president
publicly
called
you
an
“embarrassment
to
their
families,”
maybe
you
can
play
along
tonight,
too!
Unless
otherwise
noted,
take
a
sip
whenever
these
come
up….
Every
Absent
Supreme
Court
Justice
(one
sip
per
empty
seat):
Let’s
jump
right
in.
Trump
told
the
justices
who
ruled
against
his
tariffs
that
they
were
“barely
invited”
to
tonight’s
speech
and
that
he
“couldn’t
care
less
if
they
come.”
He
heaped
insults
upon
Chief
Justice
Roberts
and
Justices
Barrett
and
Gorsuch
for
daring
to
read
the
IEEPA
and
agree
with
the
conservative
conventional
wisdom
that
starting
trade
wars
is
bad
for
business.
It
was
a
stark
contrast
to
last
year,
when
Trump
personally
thanked
John
Roberts
for
rewriting
the
Constitution
to
allow
presidents
to
commit
crimes
as
a
treat.
Chief
Justice
Roberts
has
maintained
a
perfect
attendance
record
since
2005,
but
after
the
president’s
tantrum,
the
Court
as
an
institution
should
consider
a
total
boycott
to
maintain
its
dignity.
They
won’t
though…
Finish
your
drink
if
every
single
justice
boycotts.
Every
Supreme
Court
namecheck:
When
President
Obama
called
out
the
Citizens
United
opinion
for
inventing
a
new
constitutional
standard
that
opened
the
door
for
the
sort
of
corrupt
assault
on
democracy
that…
actually
came
to
pass,
he
spoke
about
the
Supreme
Court
as
an
institution,
rather
than
calling
out
any
individual
justice.
That’s
not
Trump’s
style.
As
we
saw
on
Friday,
he’s
ready
to
get
personal
whether
he’s
bashing
Barrett
or
praising
Kavanaugh.
Any
Other
Supreme
Court
Decision:
He
won’t
be
able
to
help
himself
from
talking
tariffs,
but
what
about
Roe
or
Dobbs
or
Obergefell?
Finish
your
drink
if
it’s
Marbury
v.
Madison.
Attacks
Lower
Court
Judges:
The
current
administration
loves
attacking
judges.
The
Justice
Department
is
explicitly
at
“war”
with
them.
A
former
senior
official
instructed
the
DOJ
to
say
“fuck
you”
to
the
courts.
All
this
has
translated
into
a
327
percent
increase
in
threats
against
federal
judges.
As
trial
judges
continue
to
act
as
the
constitutional
guardrail
—
with
judges
appointed
by
every
president
from
Reagan
on
putting
the
brakes
on
the
executive
—
they
represent
an
enticing
target
for
a
president
in
mid-rage
rant.
His
Fake
U.S.
Attorneys:
Among
Trump’s
many
beefs
with
lower
courts
is
the
fact
that
the
lower
courts
have
dutifully
applied
statutory
requirements
and
disqualified
his
fake
U.S.
Attorney
picks.
Alina
Habba
eventually
got
drummed
out
of
unlawfully
serving
as
U.S.
Attorney
in
New
Jersey.
Lindsey
Halligan
—
a
Florida
insurance
lawyer
whose
prior
prosecutorial
experience
was
exactly
zero
—
got
tossed
from
the
Eastern
District
of
Virginia
after
a
judge
ruled
her
appointment
illegal
and
then
she
tried
to
stay
on
the
job
before
another
judge
stepped
in
and
put
an
end
to
it.
Whenever
one
of
these
illegal
appointments
gets
legally
replaced,
the
DOJ
fires
that
replacement
(often
over
X).
If
they
come
up,
take
a
sip
of
water
and
pretend
it’s
a
real
drink.
Threatens
Lawsuit:
Trump
has
claimed
that
his
role
as
president
means
he
doesn’t
have
the
time
to
be
sued
—
national
security
requires
too
much
of
him
to
be
a
party
to
a
lawsuit.
Correction:
a
defendant
in
a
lawsuit.
Because
he’s
shown
no
reciprocal
hesitation
in
bringing
lawsuits,
including
against
the
federal
government
itself,
like
the
one
seeking
$10
billion
that
Attorney
General
Pam
Bondi
will
surely
defend
vigorously
on
behalf
of
American
taxpayers.
The
Dow
Jones:
As
Pam
Bondi
pleaded
with
Congress,
we
should
all
be
talking
about
the
Dow
being
over
50000.
Finish
your
drink
if
Trump
—
accurately
—
edits
this
to
49000.
Trump
Claims
Credit
For
Preventing/Ending
A
War:
While
no
one
seems
willing
to
ask
him
why
his
“day
one”
pledge
to
end
the
invasion
of
Ukraine
never
panned
out,
Trump
is
more
than
happy
to
take
credit
for
ending
wars
that
you
never
even
imagined.
He’s
claimed
to
stop
all
the
wars
with
France,
which
was
news
to
the
French.
He
used
to
take
credit
for
resolving
six
wars.
Then
it
was
eight.
How
many
will
it
be
tonight?
Who
knows,
but
you’re
sipping
for
however
many
it
is.
The
Nobel
Prize:
Relatedly,
take
a
healthy
sip
if
Trump
renews
his
fixation
with
the
Nobel
Peace
Prize,
an
award
that
he
wants
so
badly
he
issued
a
veiled
threat
to
Norway’s
Prime
Minister
because
he
didn’t
get
one.
He
has
since
accepted
the
physical
medal
from
Venezuelan
opposition
leader
María
Corina
Machado
—
even
though
the
prize
cannot
be
transferred.
After
years
of
snide
commentary
from
conservatives
about
“participation
trophies”
in
youth
sports,
Donald
Trump
now
shows
off
a
participation
trophy
from
a
game
he
didn’t
play.
Finish
your
drink
if
he’s
wearing
the
medal
tonight.
Commentator
Refers
to
the
State
of
the
Union
as
“Constitutionally
Required”:
A
know-it-all
move,
but
as
lawyers
we
can
appreciate
that.
Insults
Olympians:
Trump
already
called
one
U.S.
athlete
a
“real
loser”
for
expressing
mixed
emotions
about
proudly
representing
the
United
States
at
the
same
time
the
nation
debases
itself
on
the
world
stage.
The
Women’s
hockey
gold
medalists
have
already
declined
an
invitation
to
be
in
Trump’s
presence,
and
should
get
the
better
of
the
deal
since
they’re
partying
with
Flavor
Flav
instead.
Birthright
Citizenship:
He’s
going
to
talk
about
immigration
—
we
aren’t
trying
to
get
anyone’s
stomach
pumped
by
including
“ICE”
or
anything
like
that
in
this
game.
But
that
doesn’t
mean
we
shouldn’t
have
an
item
related
to
his
go-to
subject.
Trump’s
been
trying
to
end
birthright
citizenship
by
executive
order
since
day
one,
and
the
courts
have
so
far
stuck
to
the
Fourteenth
Amendment
saying
what
it
explicitly
says.
Bonus
if
he
ties
birthright
citizenship
to
attacking
an
Olympian.
Claims
He
Won
the
2020
Election:
Six
years
after
the
fact,
Trump
still
seems
interested
in
pretending
he
won
the
2020
election.
This
is
like
winning
the
Super
Bowl
and
spending
the
post-game
press
conference
arguing
about
a
regular
season
pass
interference
call
from
four
years
ago.
Go
ahead
and
finish
your
drink
and
make
sure
your
passport
is
up-to-date
if
he
says
this
is
why
he’s
going
to
seize
control
of
future
elections.
Legal
Enemies
List:
Take
a
sip
for
any
of
the
following
mentioned
by
name:
Merrick
Garland,
Jack
Smith,
Letitia
James,
James
Comey,
Fani
Willis,
or
any
of
the
January
6
Committee.
Bonus
sip
if
the
words
“lawfare”
or
“weaponization”
are
used
in
the
same
train
of
thought.
Jeffrey
Epstein:
How
do
you
set
odds
for
this
one?
Is
he
going
to
pointedly
avoid
the
document
releases
that
implicate
him
thousands
—
if
not
a
million
—
times
while
dragging
his
Attorney
General
Pam
Bondi’s
malicious
incompetence
under
a
spotlight?
Or
does
he
return
to
the
playbook
that’s
incredibly
served
him
so
well
for
years
and
call
his
deep
and
meticulously
detailed
ties
to
a
notorious
sex
trafficker
“fake
news”?
Honestly,
both
seem
entirely
possible.
Maybe
this
is
the
drinking
game
equivalent
of
a
Bingo
free
space.
Joe
Patrice is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law
and
co-host
of
Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer.
Feel
free
to email
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments.
Follow
him
on Twitter or
Bluesky
if
you’re
interested
in
law,
politics,
and
a
healthy
dose
of
college
sports
news.
Joe
also
serves
as
a
Managing
Director
at
RPN
Executive
Search.