by
Michael
M.
Santiago/Getty
Images)
My
cousin
Evan
grew
up
in
Plymouth,
Minnesota.
We’d
often
go
for
a
swim
in
Hidden
Lake
when
my
family
came
for
a
visit.
Minnesota
is
almost
as
far
as
you
can
get
from
the
ocean
and
still
be
in
the
United
States.
Even
so,
that
didn’t
prevent
me
from,
once,
as
a
kid,
a
few
minutes
after
finishing
the
movie
“Jaws”
and
a
few
seconds
after
I
thought
I
saw
a
large
dark
shape
pass
beneath
me
in
the
water,
hurriedly
clambering
up
onto
the
battered
wooden
diving
platform
floating
in
Hidden
Lake
and
voicing
some
unconvincing
excuse
about
needing
to
take
a
break.
Tourism
promoters
in
the
North
Star
State
are
fond
of
saying
that
Minnesota
has
more
shoreline
than
California,
Hawaii,
and
Florida
combined.
However,
unlike
in
Florida,
Hawaii,
and
California,
there
is
very
little
in
Minnesotan
bodies
of
water
(other
than
the
water
itself)
that
can
kill
a
person.
Shark
attacks
are
exceedingly
rare.
In
a
typical
year,
only
around
half
a
dozen
people
are
killed
by
sharks
worldwide.
Still,
Minnesotans
generally
like
to
travel,
and
it’s
possible
to
be
unlucky.
Such
was
the
case
with
Arlene
Lillis,
56,
a
Minnesotan
killed
earlier
this
year
on
a
trip
to
the
U.S.
Virgin
Islands.
She
had
the
grave
misfortune
of
meeting
one
of
the
mere
handful
of
all
the
ocean’s
sharks
that
prove
deadly
to
humans.
That
it
is
not
always
rational
is
one
of
the
defining
attributes
of
fear
itself.
Submerged
in
Hidden
Lake
those
30-some
years
ago,
there
was
no
rational
reason
for
the
pulse
of
terror
that
ran
up
my
spine.
Lillis
demonstrated
that,
even
for
Minnesotans,
there
is
something
to
that
primal
phobia
of
sharks.
Yet,
there
have
clearly
been
much
more
pressing
threats
to
the
lives
of
Minnesotans
so
far
this
year.
Namely,
their
own
federal
government.
The
same
month
that
Lillis
succumbed
to
her
fatal
shark
bite,
masked
federal
agents
unjustifiably
gunned
down
Renee
Good,
and
then,
Alex
Pretti,
in
the
streets
of
Minnesota,
in
broad
daylight,
on
video.
Both
were
37.
Until
2026,
it
was
hard
to
imagine
that
white,
wholesome
Midwestern
citizens
had
far
more
to
fear
from
unaccountable
immigration
agents
than
they
did
from
row
upon
row
of
razor-sharp
teeth.
Alas,
sharks
only
attack
humans
by
mistake,
while
everyone’s
a
target
for
ICE.
Now
Trump’s
dumb
war
against
Iran
has
created
a
new
threat.
A
Minnesotan,
39-year-old
Sergeant
Nicole
Amor,
was
among
the
first
U.S.
troops
killed
in
retaliatory
strikes.
“Sadly,
there
will
likely
be
more
before
it
ends,”
said
President
Donald
Trump
of
the
first
American
soldiers
killed
in
the
unpopular
war
he
started
for
no
apparent
reason.
“That’s
the
way
it
is.”
Of
course,
as
much
as
I
do
generally
enjoy
Minnesotans,
I
don’t
really
think
one
human
life
is
worth
more
than
any
other
regardless
of
where
it
is
being
lived.
So
it’s
important
to
remember
that
although
Trump
has
made
2026
a
particularly
deadly
year
for
Minnesotans,
he’s
also
responsible
for
making
it
deadly
for
hundreds
of
Iranians,
including
dozens
of
children
at
a
girls’
elementary
school.
Picture
the
long,
torpedo-shaped
body
of
a
great
white.
Those
dead
eyes
staring
into
your
soul.
The
bone-crushing
force
of
its
serrated
teeth
as
it
projects
its
unfused
upper
jaw
forward
in
an
uncanny
death
grip.
It’s
easy
to
shudder
when
you
think
about
a
shark.
The
reality
is,
for
Minnesotans,
ICE
enforcement
and
Trump’s
stupid
war
against
Iran
have
already
been
three
times
deadlier
this
year
than
the
ocean’s
deadliest
sharks.
You
should
be
shuddering
every
time
you
see
Trump’s
sagging,
heavily
made-up
face.
This
is
an
example
of
one
state,
a
very
limited
time
period,
and
a
handful
of
bad
policy
decisions.
Expanded
throughout
the
country,
throughout
the
world,
the
callous
disregard
for
human
life
constantly
on
display
by
this
administration
is
responsible
for
ridiculous
new
levels
of
risk
for
everyone
on
the
planet.
I
do
miss
the
days
when
I
had
the
luxury
of
fearing
sharks
while
swimming
a
thousand
miles
from
the
nearest
sea.
Whether
you
accept
it
or
not,
whether
you
voted
for
him
or
not,
the
reality
is
that
we’ve
all
got
far
more
to
fear
now
from
the
White
House
than
from
anything
in
the
natural
world.
The
shark
attack
I
can
chalk
up
to
bad
luck;
the
three
dead
Minnesotans
who’d
be
alive
today
but
for
the
way
Trump
runs
the
federal
government,
that’s
ultimately
deliberate.
To
paraphrase
the
man
himself,
there
will
be
more
before
the
end.
That’s
the
way
it
is.
Jonathan
Wolf
is
a
civil
litigator
and
author
of Your
Debt-Free
JD (affiliate
link).
He
has
taught
legal
writing,
written
for
a
wide
variety
of
publications,
and
made
it
both
his
business
and
his
pleasure
to
be
financially
and
scientifically
literate.
Any
views
he
expresses
are
probably
pure
gold,
but
are
nonetheless
solely
his
own
and
should
not
be
attributed
to
any
organization
with
which
he
is
affiliated.
He
wouldn’t
want
to
share
the
credit
anyway.
He
can
be
reached
at [email protected].