Iran’s
a
bad
place. They’re
building
nuclear
weapons. We
had
to
bomb
them
a
few
months
back,
and
the
country
is
still
dangerous. I
put
all
those
warships
in
the
Middle
East
so
that
Iran
would
cave
to
us
in
negotiations,
but
the
country
is
still
playing
hardball.
It’s
almost
like
they’re
religious
fanatics
who
aren’t
listening
to
me.
What’s
that? Phone
call
from
Bibi?
Yeah,
yeah. I
know
you
want
to
destroy
Iran,
but
I
don’t
want
any
forever
wars.
What’s
that? Phone
call
from
MBS?
You
want
to
bomb
them,
too? Can
you
invest
any
more
money
in
the
United
States,
so
I
can
show
that
my
trade
policies
are
working? Great. You’ve
also
only
given
$2
billion
to
Jared;
could
you
invest
a
little
more
with
him?
Gee. Both
those
guys
want
me
to
bomb
Iran.
And
those
guys
are
real
leaders: Criminals. Murderers. My
kind
of
guys. Not
like
those
law-abiding
weenies
in
Europe.
What? Another
call
from
Bibi?
All
the
Iranian
leadership
will
be
in
one
place
tomorrow
morning? We
could
kill
dozens
of
them
at
once? We
might
never
have
another
opportunity
to
do
this?
Hell,
I
don’t
want
to
bomb
them.
But
we
can
kill
a
bunch
of
them. And
everyone
would
think
that
I’m
a
hero.
I would be
a
hero.
The
chairman
of
the
Joint
Chiefs
of
Staff
keeps
telling
me
that
the
Iranians
will
retaliate
if
we
attack. They’ll
close
the
Strait
of
Hormuz.
I
don’t
care
if
they
close
the
Strait
of
Vermouth. I’m
not
a
drinker,
anyway.
We
kidnapped
one
guy
from
Venezuela,
and
the
whole
country
surrendered. If
we
bomb
the
hell
out
of
Iran,
and
kill
a
bunch
of
leaders,
Iran
will
surrender,
too.
They’ll
surrender
quickly. Before
they
can
close
that
damn
strait.
The
chairman
also
tells
me
about
that
enriched
uranium
in
Iran.
He
talks
about
the
possibility
of
our
bombing
destroying
the
government. With
no
government,
there
could
be
sectarian
violence.
Sectarian
violence
could
be
a
problem
with
all
that
uranium
lying
around.
The
chairman
is
such
a
fool.
I’ve
never
heard
of
secretaries
getting
violent.
We’ll
bomb
Iran
and
the
secretaries
will
go
back
to
their
typing.
No
problem.
Not
only
that.
Once
we
bomb
the
hell
out
of
Iran,
the
new
leaders
will
come
back
to
the
negotiating
table.
That’ll
be
great.
We’ll
be
strong,
and
the
new
leaders
will
be
weak.
They’ll
agree
to
move
all
the
enriched
uranium
out
of
the
country
and
to
stop
their
enrichment
program.
I’ll
have
achieved
more
than
Obama
ever
did.
Obama.
All
that
guy
ever
did
was
play
golf,
the
lazy
S.O.B.
He
was
a
low-IQ
guy.
This
is
gonna
be
great.
Bomb
Iran.
Change
the
regime.
Get
rid
of
the
uranium.
It’ll
probably
take
a
day
or
two.
No
problem.
Hit
’em
hard,
general!
Show
’em
who’s
boss.
Mark Herrmann spent
17
years
as
a
partner
at
a
leading
international
law
firm
and
later
oversaw
litigation,
compliance
and
employment
matters
at
a
large
international
company.
He
is
the
author
of The
Curmudgeon’s
Guide
to
Practicing
Law and Drug
and
Device
Product
Liability
Litigation
Strategy (affiliate
links).
You
can
reach
him
by
email
at [email protected].