Back
in
February,
the
Attorney
General
of
the
United
States
Pam
Bondi
gleefully
told
Fox
News
that
she
had
Jeffrey
Epstein’s
client
list
“on
my
desk.”
The
head
of
the
Department
of
Justice
generally
doesn’t
go
on
cable
news
to
brag
about
an
investigation
into
a
dead
guy,
but
Epstein’s
case
had
taken
a
place
in
the
right-wing
conspiro-sphere
and
Bondi
was
ready
to
milk
a
few
minutes
of
fame
to
talk
about
the
grand
prize
at
the
end
of
the
QAnon
advent
calendar!
The
“client
list”
was
the
fabled
document
that
turned
Epstein
from
a
despicable
sex
criminal
into
the
lynchpin
holding
the
deep
state
together.
The
list
would,
according
to
the
most
addled
minds
on
the
internet,
finally
prove
that
liberals
run
a
global
pedophile
cult
out
of
a
pizza
place.
No
one
had
ever
seen
this
client
list,
but
the
top
law
enforcement
official
in
the
nation
told
the
public
that
it
not
only
existed,
but
that
she
already
had
it
dropped
onto
her
desk.
And
she
certainly
wouldn’t
have
said
anything
that
imprudent
if
she
didn’t
actually
have
anything
to
report.
Right?
Having
earlier
released
a
heavily
redacted
set
of
Epstein
files
—
along
with
JFK
assassination
materials
that
more
or
less
confirmed
the
Warren
Commission
was
right
all
along
—
the
Justice
Department
just
followed
up
with
a
memo
explaining
that
the
client
list
doesn’t
exist,
there’s
nothing
in
the
Epstein
files
that
they
feel
like
divulging,
and
he
definitely
killed
himself.
Kash
Patel
and
Dan
Bongino,
now
running
the
FBI,
previously
mused
that
Epstein
was
murdered
to
prevent
him
from
revealing
the
extent
of
the
conspiracy.
Now
they’re
officially
backing
the
Justice
Department’s
wet
blanket
of
a
memo:
This
systematic
review
revealed
no
incriminating
“client
list.”
There
was
also
no
credible
evidence
found
that
Epstein
blackmailed
prominent
individuals
as
part
of
his
actions.
We
did
not
uncover
evidence
that
could
predicate
an
investigation
against
uncharged
third
parties.
As
hard
as
it
may
be,
put
aside
everything
about
the
horrific
crimes
involved
in
this
case.
One
of
two
things
happened
here.
Either
the
Attorney
General
is
currently
engaged
in
covering
up
a
damning
client
list
that
would
expound
upon
allegations
of
the
the
pedophile
sex
trafficker’s
ties
to
at
least
some
key
Trump
donors.
Or
there
never
was
a
client
list
and
Bondi
was
just
bald-faced
lying
for
attention
when
she
explicitly
said
that
it
was
on
her
desk.
Neither
is
good!
The
former
would
be
a
criminal
conspiracy
run
from
the
highest
halls
of
government.
The
latter
is
that
the
Attorney
General
exhibits
a
level
of
weaponized
stupidity
that
should
disqualify
her
from
managing
a
Chipotle,
let
alone
the
Justice
Department.
It’s
probably
the
latter,
but
then
what,
exactly,
was
the
endgame?
Baiting
their
most
rabid
and
dangerous
fans
that
there
was
a
big
revelation
coming
that
they
never
bothered
to
verify
existed?
Not
exactly
3D
chess
over
there.
James
Comey
became
a
pariah
because
he
felt
compelled
to
inform
Congress
that
he
needed
to
correct
his
testimony
over
ultimately
irrelevant
and
redundant
documents
that
hadn’t
previously
come
to
his
attention.
Fast
forward
and
the
Justice
Department
is
chatting
up
cable
news
about
documents
that
don’t
exist.
Or
at
least
they
now
say
don’t
exist.
That
the
AG
publicly
misled
the
country
is
the
real
scandal
that’s
going
to
get
buried
as
morons
tweet
about
conspiracy
theories.
Yes.
Definitely
someone
way
above
the
president
wielding
unprecedented
power
to
defy
Congress
and
the
courts
while
disappearing
people
to
El
Salvador.
And
if
the
elite
pedophiles
are
above
Trump…
does
that
mean
he’s
complicit
with
them?
Because
if
he
were
fighting
them
wouldn’t
they
just
get
rid
of
him
with
all
their
power?
In
either
case,
it
doesn’t
seem
like
a
reason
to
support
him.[1]
Occam’s
Razor
continues
to
take
an
undeserved
beating.
It
certainly
couldn’t
be
the
natural
and
logical
consequence
of
an
administration
headed
by
a
guy
who
partied
with
Epstein
and
infamously
word
vomited
his
way
through
a
conversation
about
the
Epstein
files,
pre-butting
that
“it’s
a
lot
of
phony
stuff.”
But
I
digress.
The
Justice
Department
is
fully
untethered
from
any
professional
crime-fighting
standards.
Letting
conspiracy
theorists
shape
department
priorities,
premature
public
proclamations,
fast
and
loose
handling
of
key
evidence…
this
is
how
an
agency
squanders
its
credibility.
I
mean,
they’re
already
making
up
fake
quotes
in
court
so
there
isn’t
much
credibility
to
be
lost.
But
there’s
something
about
the
very
public
nature
of
this
bumbling
escapade.
This
is
about
deeply
serious
criminal
activity.
Epstein
was
a
monster.
And
the
AG
treated
it
as
a
carnival
act.
As
it
happens,
that
chyron
from
the
February
news
hit
now
seems
weirdly
prophetic:
The
DOJ
has
lost
its
mission
to
fight
crime.
[1]
Also,
someone
really
needs
to
talk
to
Musk
about
his
bizarre
failure
to
understand
this
book
series.
He
would
be
the
main
villain
of
these
books!
It’s
one
thing
for
these
tech
bros
to
uncritically
invent
technologies
that
sci-fi
authors
warned
us
about,
but
it’s
another
for
the
richest
right-wing
figure
in
the
world
to
constantly
reference
a
book
that’s
not
even
subtle
about
the
theme:
“socialism
would
make
everything
better.”
Joe
Patrice is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law
and
co-host
of
Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer.
Feel
free
to email
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments.
Follow
him
on Twitter or
Bluesky
if
you’re
interested
in
law,
politics,
and
a
healthy
dose
of
college
sports
news.
Joe
also
serves
as
a
Managing
Director
at
RPN
Executive
Search.