(Photo
by
Bonnie
Cash-Pool/Getty
Images)
Everywhere
you
turned
this
year,
Jonathan
Turley
was
there.
The
George
Washington
University
law
professor
continued
his
all-consuming
passion
to
stay
relevant
with
countless
cable
news
hits,
a
flurry
of
vacuous
articles
in
The
Hill,
and
an
unfiltered
string
of
Tweets
and
personal
blog
posts.
Wherever
a
far-right
talking
point
needed
the
imprimatur
of
a
fading
scholar,
Turley
jumped
at
the
opportunity
to
spout
all
manner
of
nonsense
to
get
another
taste
of
that
sweet,
sweet
attention.
He’s
the
legal
equivalent
of
a
down-and-out
doctor
writing
oxy
scrips
in
exchange
for
the
hard
stuff
that
he
really
craves.
Here’s
some
quasi-intellectual
analysis
of
how
John
Durham
is
going
to
take
down
Hillary
Clinton
in
exchange
for
5-minutes
on
Hannity.
AHHHHHHH!
Take
a
deep
breath
and
ride
that
high,
buddy.
In
any
event,
as
we
close
out
20-Turley-2,
let’s
look
back
on
the
professor’s
greatest
hits.
Mostly
because
I’d
even
forgotten
some
of
these
gems
from
the
past
year.
Martin
Luther
King
Jr.
Had
Never
Been
Arrested
—
5
TURLs
When
Canada
threatened
to
clamp
down
on
the
handful
of
truck
drivers
obstructing
traffic
to
protest
COVID
restrictions,
Fox
News
needed
someone
willing
to
concoct
a
legal
defense
for
the
anti-vaxxers.
Turley
stepped
up
to
the
plate.
By
this
rationale,
they
could
have
cracked
down
on
the
Civil
Rights
movement.
They
could
have
arrested
Martin
Luther
King.
Could
have!
Two
Turls
right
out
of
the
gate
for
opining
on
Canadian
law
without
stepping
one
inch
—
or
centimeter
—
outside
the
First
Amendment.
Another
couple
of
Turls
for
failing
to
grasp
that
“yes,
they
can
arrest
you
for
this”
was
a
core
part
of
the
Civil
Rights
movement’s
strategy.
Turley
even
uses
the
phrase
“good
trouble”
in
the
interview
without
a
spark
of
recognition
over
what
“trouble”
means.
But
achieving
a
perfect
score
requires
something
special.
Anyone
could
cynically
claim
that
another
country
can’t
make
public
disturbance
arrests
based
on
U.S.
law
that
—
coincidentally
—
would
also
have
justified
those
arrests.
It
takes
another
level
to
rewrite
history
and
stir
up
the
MAGA
audience
with
a
new
coat
of
whitewash
on
their
imagination
of
MLK
as
some
sort
of
proto-Herman
Cain.
“They
could
have
arrested
Martin
Luther
King.”
Brilliant.
Ketanji
Brown
Jackson’s
“Thin”
Judicial
Qualifications
—
4
TURLS
A
Democratic
nomination
to
the
Supreme
Court
is
a
4-alarm
fire
at
Fox
and
the
concept
of
a
successful
Black
woman
is
basically
the
Towering
Inferno.
Obviously,
Turley
is
a
cable
booker’s
first
call.
When
life
gives
you
unimpeachable
qualifications,
make
racist
dog
whistles.
Two
Turls
for
hypocrisy
as
Jackson’s
years
of
service
on
the
federal
judiciary
more
than
matched
Amy
Coney
Barrett’s
work,
yet
Turley
made
the
talk
show
rounds
for
ACB
explaining
that
her
judicial
philosophy
was
abundantly
clear.
Another
two
Turls
for
the
“just
asking
questions”
frame,
the
master
level
whistle
silencer.
Campus
Free
Speech
In
CRISIS!
—
2
Turls
Grumbling
about
campus
free
speech
is
table
stakes
to
become
a
Fox
News
pull-string
toy.
Turley’s
entries
in
the
genre
aren’t…
all
that
exciting.
Citing
the
academic
imperative
to
squelch
protest?
Check.
Bemoaning
anonymous
students
who
don’t
like
it
when
they
get
mocked
for
being
stupid?
Check.
Misuse
of
the
heckler’s
veto?
Check.
Comparing
students
uninterested
in
right-wing
seminars
to
the
Reign
of
Terror.
Check,
check,
check.
But
where’s
the
commitment
to
the
bit?
Volokh
is
out
here
explaining
how
students
can’t
possibly
learn
if
he’s
not
able
to
use
the
n-word
in
class.
Amy
Wax
is
inviting
white
supremacists
to
class.
Judge
Ho
is
cooking
up
fake
boycotts
so
Yale
Law
can
go
full
Orwell.
Turley’s
just
not
in
the
game
when
it
comes
to
free
speech
takes.
He
gets
a
bonus
point
for
calling
Above
the
Law
“one
of
the
most
vocal
anti-free
speech
sites
on
the
Internet.”
We
appreciate
the
comedy.
Twitter:
The
EVEN
GreateR-Est
Free
Speech
Crisis
Of
Our
Time
—
3
Turls
Turley
tried
to
salvage
his
right-wing
free
speech
gravitas
via
the
Twitter
takeover,
but
Elon
Musk’s
Twitter
tribulations
flummoxed
the
professor.
He
desperately
wanted
to
expand
his
simping
empire
to
include
an
honorary
post
as
Chief
Twit’s
Twit,
but
too
many
rivals
came
for
that
throne.
Turley
tried
though.
His
claim
that
private
companies
choosing
not
to
advertise
on
Twitter
amounted
to
a
grievous
blow
to
free
speech
—
a
claim
he
made
DURING
THE
WORLD
CUP
and
all
the
actual
speech
crackdowns
surrounding
that
—
generated
a
little
conservative
excitement.
He’s
also
lent
his
voice
to
the
conspiracy
theory
that
not
posting
Hunter
Biden’s
dick
pics
amounts
to
a
constitutional
crisis.
But
his
work
in
this
area
is
mostly
bland.
That’s
not
going
to
cut
it
with
an
audience
looking
for
someone
to
match
the
spectacle
of
Musk’s
own
bad
legal
takes
or
get
him
noticed
ahead
of
Bari
Weiss
and
late-stage
Matt
Taibbi.
Even
when
limited
to
purely
academic
analysis,
Turley
got
outcrazied
by
these
two
nitwits
and
their
“what
if
Delaware
corporate
law
didn’t
exist”
piece
in
the
Wall
Street
Journal.
Frankly,
Turley
would
only
have
one
Turl
on
this
but
for
his
pathetic
“no
one
took
me
seriously
enough
for
a
blue
checkmark
but
now
I
can
buy
one!”
post.
Hyping
up
verified
marks
like
they’re
some
kind
of
golden
ticket
and
casting
legacy
Twitter
as
a
censorship
machine
because
it
didn’t
find
Turley’s
decades-past-its-prime
career
worth
verifying.
Dr.
Turley
OB-GYN
Explains
Abortion
To
The
Ladies!
—
5
TURLS
After
the
Dobbs
decision,
multiple
GOP-led
states
started
learning
for
the
first
time
that
the
symbolic
abortion
legislation
they’d
written
to
juice
fundraising
for
years
would
actually
put
women
in
grave
peril.
But
Turley
offered
his
“credibility”
to
soothe
the
consciences
of
any
conservatives
out
there
second-guessing
the
wisdom
of
a
legal
regime
that
forces
10-year-old
rape
victims
to
give
birth
or
encourages
miscarrying
patients
to
bleed
out.
According
to
Turley,
the
laws
in
these
states
wouldn’t
really
prevent
that
sort
of
treatment,
and
he
based
this
analysis
on…
nothing.
“It
is doubtful the
courts
would
ignore.”
Well,
based
on
that
rock-solid
grounding,
I
guess
women
should
just
breathe
easy!
While
Turley
handwaves
away
all
the
states
that
don’t
have
explicit
ectopic
caveats,
he
ignores
that
medical
professionals
he’s
talking
about
hypothetically
are in
reality confused
as
to
the
scope
of
the
exceptions.
It
doesn’t
matter
if
the
government
would
actually
prosecute
in
these
cases
—
they
will
—
because
the
fear
of
prosecution
is
enough
to
trigger
the
harm.
It’s
a
fallacy
he
pursues
with
some
vigor
—
he
also
tried
to
pawn
off
abortion
gag
laws
as
a
non-event
based
on
his
wish-casting
that
prosecutors
will
just
ignore
the
statutes
they
fought
to
create.
He
went
on
to
offer
a
bunch
of
WebMD
level
analysis
about
how
mifepristone
and
misoprostol
work
while
ignoring
methotrexate,
but
we
digress.
Turley
doubled
down
on
his
abortion
argument,
arguing
that
the
10-year-old
Ohio
case
was
fishy
because
he
decided
she
would
be
covered
by
Ohio
law.
Then
this
happened.
“HIPPA.”
Chef’s
kiss.
TRUMP
STEALING
NUCLEAR
CODES
IS
NO
WORSE
THAN
BILL
CLINTON
STEALING
A
COUCH
—
4
TURLS
Turley
also
lent
his
name
to
misrepresenting
the
whole
course
of
the
Trump
warrant.
Per
earlier
coverage:
He
then
adds
that
even
if
Trump
was
hoarding
classified
documents,
“the
question
still
remains:
why
couldn’t
you
have
done
that
with
a
less
intrusive
means?”
THEY
DID.
The
DOJ
went
to
Mar-a-Lago
and
removed
15
boxes
back
in
January!
THAT
was
the
less
intrusive,
negotiated
effort.
And
when
the
DOJ
had
reason
to
believe
Trump
still
had
multiple
boxes
of
sensitive
material
beyond
that
—
either
from
additional
investigation
or
because
the
Trump
team
affirmatively
told
the
FBI
it
would
withhold
the
rest
of
the
haul
—
then
the
DOJ
had
no
choice
but
to
seek
a
warrant
to
get
the
material
directly.
Missed
the
perfect
score
by
failing
to
argue
that
stealing
a
couch
was
worse
than
the
nuclear
codes.
Rookie
error.
But
he
doggedly
stuck
to
defending
Judge
Aileen
Cannon’s
comical
effort
to
derail
the
investigation
despite
objections
from
known
pinko
commie
firebrands
like
Bill
Barr
and
Above
the
Law
hater
11th
Circuit
Judge
William
Pryor.
He
also
twisted
the
basics
of
criminal
law
to
suggest
Merrick
Garland
had
an
obligation
to
tell
the
target
of
an
ongoing
investigation
everything
he
has
before
seeking
an
indictment.
While
it
would
be
a
great
legal
development
for
mob
kingpins,
it
is
not
actually
how
any
of
this
works.
January
6…
What’s
That?
—
3
TURLS
One
of
Turley’s
more
disappointing
outings
on
the
disingenuous
scale.
The
January
6
Committee’s
work
laid
out
a
bunch
of
potentially
criminal
acts
over
the
course
of
its
run.
Hell,
the
response
to
the
January
6
Committee
is
still
tripping
people
up.
As
we
noted
at
the
time,
Turley’s
analysis
isn’t
entirely
wrong,
it
just
cherry-picks
among
the
broadside
of
allegations
surrounding
Trump’s
actions:
By
leaning
into
the
talking
point
that
this
is
all
just
mean
talk
about
Trump,
Turley’s
relying
on
what
can
at
best
be
characterized
as
“legalish”
thinking.
Generally
casting
aspersions
on
the
election
process
isn’t
a
crime!
Conspiring
with
fake
slates
of
electors
and
trying
to
convince
the
Vice
President
to
hijack
the
Constitution…
would
be.
Criminal
liability
for
incitement
is,
correctly,
a
wildly
high
hill
to
climb!
Using
public
office
to
obstruct
a
response
that
put
lives
at
risk…
makes
for
a
different
story.
Campaigns
can
use
all
sorts
of
puffery
without
being
illegal!
Making
up
“funds”
to
raise
money
for
lawsuits
while
always
intending
to
funnel
the
money
to
yourself
and
your
cronies…
well,
you
get
the
idea.
Everyone
has
an
off
day.
Turley
resolved
to
do
better
the
next
time
he
discussed
January
6.
The
Secret
Service
Kidnapped
Trump
According
To
Federal
Kidnapping
Laws
—
6
OUT
OF
5
TURLS
Testimony
from
the
January
6
hearings
alleged
that
the
Secret
Service
refused
Trump’s
demand
to
be
taken
back
to
the
armed
mob.
This
is
an
entirely
reasonable
decision
and
well
within
the
mission
statement
of
the
Secret
Service.
But
that
sort
of
sober
analysis
isn’t
going
to
get
a
law
professor
on
TV!
In
a
subsequent
article
that
is
currently
unavailable
online,
Turley
wrote
that
“In
the
end,
the
security
team
was
correct
on
the
merits
but
probably
wrong
on
the
law.”
It
will
not
surprise
you
to
learn
that,
in
fact,
Turley
is
wrong
on
the
law.
As
explained
in
our
earlier
article:
The
Secret
Service
is
mandated
by
law
to
protect
the
president
and
vice
president.
While
federal
law
authorizes
the
Secret
Service
to
protect
other
categories
of
individuals
too,
everyone
other
than
the
president
and
vice
president
may
decline
protection.
But
a
president
can’t
unilaterally
reject
the
protection
of
the
Secret
Service
just
like
the
president
can’t
reject
other
laws
on
a
whim.
Three
Turls
for
being
wrong.
But
a
perfect
score
for
going
the
extra
mile
to
tell
an
audience
of
insurrectionist
sympathizers
that
the
Secret
Service
was
violating
federal
criminal
statutes.
Bravura
performance.
We’re
not
even
getting
into
his
detailed
effort
to
rewrite
the
GOP’s
Midterm
collapse
as
a
win
for
his
fans,
an
effort
better
handled
in
Robert
Weisberg’s
What
Happened
To
Jonathan
Turley,
Really?
piece.
What
will
the
next
year
of
Turley
bring?
I,
for
one,
am
excited
to
find
out!
(But
it’s
going
to
be
a
lot
about
Hunter
Biden’s
laptop.)
What
Happened
to
Jonathan
Turley,
Really?
[Slate]
Earlier:
Remember
When
Martin
Luther
King
Was
Arrested?
Because
Jonathan
Turley
Sure
Doesn’t!
Turley
Advances
Nonsense
About
Judge
Ketanji
Brown
Jackson
To
Appease
His
Racist
Fanbase
‘Legal
Experts’
Need
To
Stop
Deliberately
Misleading
People
About
The
First
Amendment
Again,
People
Pointing
Out
That
You’re
Stupid
Is
Not
An
Attack
On
Freedom
Of
Speech
Clarence
Thomas
Quitting
GW
Law
School
Is
Just
Like
Robespierre’s
Reign
Of
Terror
Except
In
The
Way
It’s
Not
At
All
And
Jonathan
Turley
Is
A
Wildly
Unserious
Person
Jonathan
Turley
Ready
To
Pay
Elon
Musk
$8
For
Twitter
Credibility…
Which
Is
About
The
Value
Of
His
Credibility
These
Days
As
World
Cup
Shines
A
Light
On
Repressive
Regimes,
Jonathan
Turley
Focuses
On
REAL
Free
Speech
Struggle:
Private
Companies
Not
Advertising
On
Twitter
Jonathan
Turley
Is
Now
Just
Lying
About
Abortion
Laws
And
He’s
Going
To
Get
Someone
Killed
Jonathan
Turley
Still
Confused
By
Occam’s
Razor,
Spelling
State
Government
Bans
Teachers
From
Talking
About
Abortion
And
Jonathan
Turley
Is
Here
To
Blame…
The
Schools?
Jonathan
Turley
Sums
Up
January
6
Hearings
Like
He
Didn’t
Watch
January
6
Hearings
Someone
Kidnapped
Jonathan
Turley
And
Replaced
Him
With
The
Dumbest
Person
On
Earth
Who
Also
Happens
To
Be
Jonathan
Turley
Jonathan
Turley
Called
Out
For
Using
Law
For
‘Wrongful
Ends.’
As
If
Selling
Out
For
Publicity
Is
Wrongful!
Jonathan
Turley
Reminds
Us
That
Bill
Clinton
Took
A
Couch
So
Donald
Trump
Should
Be
Able
To
Take
Nuclear
Codes
Bill
Barr
Thinks
Judge
Cannon’s
Order
Is
Trump
Simping
Gibberish,
But
She’s
Still
Got
Jonathan
Turley
On
Her
Side!
Jonathan
Turley
Very
Upset
That
Merrick
Garland
Isn’t
Cartoonishly
Bad
At
His
Job
Joe
Patrice is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law
and
co-host
of
Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer.
Feel
free
to email
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments.
Follow
him
on Twitter if
you’re
interested
in
law,
politics,
and
a
healthy
dose
of
college
sports
news.
Joe
also
serves
as
a
Managing
Director
at
RPN
Executive
Search.