Last
week
the
Justice
Department
threw
a
giant
hissy
fit
because
it
wasn’t
allowed
to
tweet
out
an
image
of
Don
Lemon
in
handcuffs.
Prosecutors
demanded
that
a
federal
appeals
court
sign
an
arrest
warrant
so
they
could
perp
walk
a
Black
journalist
and
turn
him
into
a
meme.
And
they
did
it
while
working
overtime
to
keep
all
trace
of
the
DOJ’s
tantrum
off
the
public
docket.
The
incident
began
on
January
18,
when
protesters
disrupted
worship
at
Cities
Church
in
Saint
Paul,
where
one
of
the
pastors
is
a
regional
director
for
ICE.
Don
Lemon,
an
independent
journalist
familiar
to
Americans
from
his
years
on
CNN,
embedded
with
the
protesters
and
livestreamed
the
event,
interviewing
parishioners,
clergy,
and
participants.
The
action
enraged
conservatives,
and
the
DOJ
promised
to
prosecute
everyone
involved.
Harmeet
Dhillon,
head
of
what
remains
of
the
DOJ’s
Civil
Rights
Division,
immediately
went
on
air
with
rightwing
podcaster
Benny
Johnson
to
warn
the
godless
heathens
that
vengeance
was
coming.
“Everyone
in
the
protest
community
needs
to
know
that
the
fullest
force
of
the
federal
government
is
going
to
come
down
and
prevent
this
from
happening
and
put
people
away
for
a
long,
long
time,”
she
vowed.
The
very
next
day,
her
office
filed
a
criminal
complaint
against
Lemon
and
seven
others,
alleging
deprivation
of
civil
rights
under
both
the
Klan
Act
and
the
Freedom
of
Access
to
Clinic
Entrances
(FACE)
Act.
They
literally
charged
Armstrong,
a
Black
reverend,
for
violating
a
Reconstruction
Era
statute
meant
to
protect
the
right
to
vote
on
MLK
day.
But
Magistrate
Judge
Douglas
Micko
refused
to
issue
an
arrest
warrant
for
five
of
the
eight,
including
Lemon
and
his
producer.
And
for
the
remaining
three,
the
judge
crossed
out
the
FACE
Act
charge,
for
which
he
found
no
probable
cause
— presumably
because
that
law
requires
“force
or
threat
of
force
or
by
physical
obstruction,”
which
no
one
has
alleged.
Attorney
General
Bondi
and
DHS
Secretary
trumpeted
the
arrests
of
Nekima
Levy
Armstrong,
Chantyll
Allen,
and
William
Kelly
on
social
media,
blasting
out
their
pictures
with
the
arresting
officers’
faces
blurred.
But
that
wasn’t
cruel
enough
to
satisfy
the
edgelord
regime.
The
White
House
actually
altered
Armstrong’s
picture
to
make
it
appear
that
she
was
weeping
in
terror,
not
strong
and
defiant.
When
reporters
noted
the
forgery,
White
House
press
“professionals”
snarked
that
“the
memes
will
continue.”
At
the
same
time
the
White
House
was
mocking
the
very
idea
of
objective
reality,
the
DOJ
was
in
court
insisting
that
its
own
unsubstantiated
representations
be
treated
like
gospel
truth.
First
it
demanded
that
a
district
court
judge
review
Judge
Micko’s
finding
of
no
probable
cause
against
Lemon
and
the
other
four
putative
coconspirators.
The
case
landed
on
the
docket
of
Chief
Judge
Patrick
Schiltz,
who
said
he’d
never
heard
of
such
a
thing,
no
other
judge
in
the
Eighth
Circuit
had
ever
heard
of
such
a
thing,
and
he
would
need
a
few
days
to
discuss
it
with
the
other
judges
in
the
district
before
setting
a
new,
precedential
standard.
Prosecutors
insisted
that
Judge
Schiltz
had
to
act
immediately,
for
“national
security.”
They
mumbled
vaguely
about
“serious,
credible
threats
of
another
attack
this
upcoming
weekend”
against
Cities
Church
and
insisted
that
the
only
way
to
protect
it
was
to
arrest
Don
Lemon
ASAP.
Judge
Schiltz
effectively
called
the
bluff,
noting
that
the
DOJ
was
free
to
beef
up
the
complaint
and
present
it
again,
or
try
its
luck
with
a
grand
jury.
But
the
government
had
zero
intention
of
subjecting
its
crackpot
theories
to
further
scrutiny.
After
dozens
of
no-bills
and
embarrassing
acquittals
in
Chicago
and
DC,
the
DOJ
knows
that
Minnesota
jurors
are
likelier
to
pelt
them
with
snowballs
than
to
return
an
indictment.
The
only
“win”
for
the
White
House
here
is
to
wheedle
an
arrest
warrant
out
of
a
magistrate
and
use
the
perp
walk
for
content.
And
so
on
Friday
morning
it
went
nuclear,
stomping
into
the
Eighth
Circuit
with
a
petition
for
mandamus,
demanding
that
the
appeals
court
order
Judge
Schiltz
to
sign
warrants
for
Lemon
and
the
other
four
“coconspirators.”
“The
Government
is
aware
of
serious
credible
threats
of
repeated
action
by
the
same
group
against
the
same
church
this
weekend,”
prosecutors
wrote,
without
explaining
why
arresting
Lemon
et
al
would
have
a
greater
deterrent
effect
than
parading
Armstrong,
Allen,
and
Kelly
across
social
media.
The
appellate
docket
was
originally
sealed,
as
is
much
of
the
trial
docket.
And
yet
the
panel
ordered
Judge
Schiltz
to
respond
in
a
couple
of
hours
to
a
petition
he
couldn’t
read.
The
five
people
whom
the
government
seeks
to
arrest
are
accused
of
entering
a
church,
and
the
worst
behavior
alleged
about
any
of
them
is
yelling
horrible
things
at
the
members
of
the
church.
None
committed
any
acts
of
violence.
The
leaders
of
the
group
have
been
arrested,
and
their
arrests
have
received
widespread
publicity.
There
is
absolutely
no
emergency.
The
government
could
have
sought
indictments
from
a
grand
jury
on
Tuesday,
January
20,
Wednesday,
January
21,
or
Thursday,
January
22,
but
chose
not
to
do
so.
The
government
can
still
take
its
case
to
a
grand
jury
any
time
it
wishes.
Instead,
the
government
is
insisting
that
I
do
something
that,
as
best
as
I
can
tell,
no
district
judge
in
the
history
of
the
Eighth
Circuit
has
done.
I
have
told
the
government
that
I
will
discuss
its
request
with
my
fellow
judges
on
Tuesday
and
give
it
a
decision
Tuesday
afternoon.
If
the
mystery
petition
filed
by
the
government
seeks
an
order
from
the
Eighth
Circuit
forcing
me
to
decide
today-instead
of
Tuesday-whether
to
issue
arrests
warrants
for
the
five
protestors,
I
respectfully
suggest
that
the
petition
is
frivolous.
Of
course
the
petition
is
frivolous!
They’re
trying
to
arrest
a
well-known
journalist
for
wandering
around
during
a
newsworthy
event
and
interviewing
people
on
camera.
It’s
also
wildly
out
of
order,
and
so
the
Eighth
Circuit
denied
it
later
that
afternoon.
Only
Judge
Steven
Grasz,
a
Trump
appointee
unanimously
rated
unqualified
by
the
ABA
Standing
Committee
for
“temperament
issues,
particularly
bias
and
lack
of
open-mindedness,”
piped
up
to
offer
his
opinion
that
“the
Complaint
and
Affidavit
clearly
establish
probable
cause
for
all
five
arrest
warrants.”
But
finding
that
“the
government
has
failed
to
establish
that
it
has
no
other
adequate
means
of
obtaining
the
requested
relief,”
he
concurred
in
the
denial.
Of
course,
the
predicted
“assault”
on
Cities
Church
did
not
materialize
on
Sunday,
even
with
Don
Lemon
and
his
microphone
on
the
loose.
Instead
ICE
shot
a
Alex
Pretti,
an
ICU
nurse,
in
the
street.
Rather
than
a
fun
weekend
shitposting
AI
slop
mocking
a
Black
reporter,
the
Trump
administration
had
to
explain
how
a
white
nurse
who
worked
at
the
VA
deserved
to
die
because
he
carried
a
licensed
firearm
in
public.
Tune
in
this
week
to
see
what
the
DOJ’s
“credible”
sources
come
up
with
to
convince
Judge
Schiltz
that
he
absolutely,
positively
must
let
the
DOJ
perp
walk
Don
Lemon
on
national
television.
Just
kidding
…
that
docket
will
be
sealed.
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to
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