The
president
suffered
a
minor
setback
this
morning
in
his
defamation
suit
against
the
New
York
Times.
Judge
Steven
Merryday
struck
the
entire
complaint
for
standing
“unmistakably
and
inexcusably
athwart
the
requirements
of
Rule
8.”
Ooopsie!
And
all
Trump’s
friends
said
it
was
going
so
great!
Despite
filing
this
suit
in
“the
Great
State
of
Florida,”
specifically
the
Tampa
Division
of
the
Middle
District
—
not
the
Southern
District
where
he
lives
—
the
president
did
not
manage
to
land
on
the
docket
of
one
of
his
own
appointees.
Instead
he
got
Judge
Merryday,
who’s
been
on
the
bench
since
1992
and
very
much
does
not
have
time
for
your
shit.
The
court
was
deeply
unimpressed
with
the
85-page
screed
praising
the
Dear
Leader’s
“decades
of
magnificent
real
estate
achievements,”
“sui
generis
charisma
and
unique
business
acumen,”
“transcendent
ability
to
defy
wrongful
conventions,”
and
his
“one-of-a-kind,
unprecedented
personal
brand
alone
[which]
is
reasonably
estimated
to
be
worth
over
$100,000,000,000.”
Apparently
the
judge
wasn’t
interested
in
hearing
about
Donald
Trump’s
1990s
cameos
on
Wrestlemania
V,
All
My
Children,
and
The
Nanny.
“As
every
member
of
the
bar
of
every
federal
court
knows
(or
is
presumed
to
know),
Rule
8(a),
Federal
Rules
of
Civil
Procedure,
requires
that
a
complaint
include
‘a
short
and
plain
statement
of
the
claim
showing
that
the
pleader
is
entitled
to
relief,’”
Judge
Merryday
begins,
noting
that
the
plaintiff
spends
79
of
those
pages
detailing
“many,
often
repetitive,
and
laudatory
(toward
President
Trump)
but
superfluous
allegations.”
“As
every
lawyer
knows
(or
is
presumed
to
know),
a
complaint
is
not
a
public
forum
for
vituperation
and
invective
—
not
a
protected
platform
to
rage
against
an
adversary,”
he
continues
Presumably
these
lawyers
feel
the
sting
of
humiliation
at
being
treated
like
wild-eyed,
pro
se,
SovCits
lecturing
the
court
on
the
illegality
of
the
federal
income
tax.
Or
perhaps
not.
Local
counsel
Alejandro
Brito,
a
commercial
lawyer
from
Coral
Gables,
probably
burned
off
his
capacity
for
shame
when
he
argued
that
CNN
defamed
Trump
by
using
the
phrase
“Big
Lie.”
Brito
did,
however,
manage
to
negotiate
Trump’s
settlement
with
ABC,
and
he’s
currently
spearheading
the
suit
against
the
Wall
Street
Journal
for
saying
Trump
drew
boobs
two
decades
ago
for
Jeffrey
Epstein’s
birthday.
Brito’s
co-counsel
Edward
Paltzik
filed
the
complaint
against
CBS
in
Texas
that
led
to
a
$16
million
gift
to
Trump’s
presidential
library,
after
which
the
FCC
approved
CBS
parent
company
Paramount’s
merger
with
Skydance.
Paltzik
has
failed
to
replicate
that
success
in
Iowa,
however,
where
he
is
currently
pratfalling
all
over
three
separate
dockets
—
one
state,
two
federal
—
in
a
SLAPP
suit
against
the
Des
Moines
Register.
Rounding
out
the
dream
team
is
MAGA
goober
Daniel
Epstein,
who
once
promised
to
sue
the
US
government
over
the
raid
on
Mar-a-Lago,
demanding
$100,000,000
for
“intrusion
upon
seclusion.”
That
suit
was
never
filed,
but
Epstein
really
did
sue
Chief
Justice
Roberts
on
the
theory
that
the
judiciary
is
part
of
the
executive
branch
and
thus
subject
to
FOIA.
Safe
bet
that
these
guys
don’t
embarrass
easy!
Judge
Merryday
struck
the
complaint
and
gave
the
plaintiff
28
days
to
amend.
He
also
limited
the
filing
to
“forty
pages,
excluding
only
the
caption,
the
signature,
and
any
attachment,”
admonishing
counsel
that
“Although
lawyers
receive
a
modicum
of
expressive
latitude
in
pleading
the
claim
of
a
client,
the
complaint
in
this
action
extends
far
beyond
the
outer
bound
of
that
latitude.”
So
if
Trump
wants
to
pursue
this
case,
Brito,
Paltzik,
and
Epstein
are
going
to
have
to
axe
about
40
pages
of
Baghdad
Bob-level
sycophancy.
How
can
the
president
make
his
case
without
including
the
2024
electoral
map
and
his
appearance
on
The
Fresh
Prince
of
Bel
Air
in
1994?
Lawyering
is
hard,
y’all.