by
Brendan
McDermid-Pool/Getty
Images)
Donald
Trump’s
lawyer
Edward
“Sideshow
Bob”
Paltzik
is
gonna
learn
him
some
civil
procedure
if
he
has
to
step
on
every
rake
in
Iowa.
And
he
might!
His
adventures
began
in
December
of
2024,
when
he
and
local
counsel
Alan
Ostergren
filed
a
trollsuit
in
Polk
County
District
Court
against
pollster
Ann
Selzer
and
the
Des
Moines
Register
for
aggravated
getting
a
poll
wrong.
The
case
was
premised
on
the
theory
that
the
“poll”
was
actually
a
super-secret
conspiracy
by
Selzer,
the
Des
Moines
Register,
and
the
Register’s
parent
company
Gannett
to
defraud
Iowa
“consumers”
by
supplying
defective
“merchandise”
in
violation
of
Iowa’s
Consumer
Fraud
Act.
But
perhaps
the
president’s
sparklemagic
counsel
should
have
spent
less
time
on
their
whizbang
theory
and
more
time
hiring
a
process
server.
In
the
event,
they
only
managed
to
serve
Gannett,
a
Delaware
company
doing
business
in
New
York,
which
instantly
filed
a
notice
of
removal,
bouncing
the
case
into
the
US
District
Court
for
the
Southern
District
of
Iowa.
And
that’s
how
young
Eddie
learned
about
snap
removal!
But
Trump’s
legal
team
had
another
trick
up
its
sleeve!
On
January
31,
they
amended
the
complaint
adding
two
Iowa
lawmakers,
US
Rep
Mariannette
Miller-Meeks
and
former
state
senator
Bradley
Zaun,
as
plaintiffs.
The
move
was
a
transparent
attempt
to
get
the
case
remanded
to
state
court
by
defeating
diversity
jurisdiction.
In
fact,
Selzer
hadn’t
even
polled
Zaun’s
race.
Which
is
how
Paltzik
learned
about
fraudulent
joinder,
as
well
as
judicial
discretion.
Exercising
the
second,
Judge
Rebecca
Ebinger
declined
to
find
the
first,
but
nonetheless
ruled
that
the
lawmakers
were
not
“indispensable”
parties
and
denied
the
motion
for
joinder.
On
May
23,
she
ordered
Trump
to
file
an
amended
complaint
without
the
rando
politicians
in
seven
days.
Judge
Ebinger
did
give
the
plaintiff
a
gift
of
sorts,
though.
Noting
that
snap
removal
hadn’t
been
definitively
blessed
by
the
Eighth
Circuit,
she
certified
the
issue
for
interlocutory
appeal.
Trump
immediately
accepted
the
invitation
and
secured
a
brief
stay
until
July
18
to
file
his
amended
complaint.
But
time
waits
for
no
clown,
and
in
the
meantime
the
Iowa
state
legislature
unanimously
passed
a
bill
to
create
an
expedited
motion
for
media
defendants
to
dismiss
SLAPP
suits
that
target
the
freedom
of
the
press.
That
bill,
House
File
472,
was
signed
into
law
by
Gov.
Kim
Reynolds
on
May
19
and
takes
effect
on
July
1.
Had
Trump
filed
his
amended
complaint
on
June
1,
as
instructed,
he’d
have
been
in
the
clear.
But
amending
his
complaint
on
July
18
would
likely
have
subjected
his
garbage
suit
to
the
fee-shifting
provision
of
the
new
anti-SLAPP
law
in
the
unlikely
scenario
that
he
was
able
to
persuade
the
Eighth
Circuit
to
remand
him
to
state
court.
And
so,
with
that
anti-SLAPP
clock
ticking,
Trump’s
lawyers
put
on
their
MAGA
hats
and
hatched
a
clever
plan
to
get
back
into
state
court
one
day
before
the
new
law
was
scheduled
to
go
into
effect.
On
Monday,
they
filed
a
notice
of
voluntary
dismissal
in
federal
court
and
simultaneously
re-filed
in
state
court.
If
they
could
just
remember
to
serve
the
Iowa
defendants
first,
they’d
be
home
free!
Except
…
THEY
FORGOT
ABOUT
THEIR
APPEAL
TO
THE
EIGHTH
CIRCUIT.
Trump’s
pending
appeal
divested
the
trial
court
of
jurisdiction
to
dismiss
his
case.
He
needed
to
dismiss
that
appeal
before
voluntarily
dismissing
the
complaint
in
the
district
court.
Which
he
could
have
done,
even
without
the
defendants’
consent,
so
long
as
he
did
it
first
(and
gave
the
court
sufficient
time
to
enter
an
order
of
dismissal).
And
that’s
how
counselor
Paltzik
learned
about
Rule
42
of
the
Federal
Rules
of
Appellate
Procedure!
Hours
after
Trump
tried
to
nope
out
of
his
lawsuit,
Gannett
moved
to
strike
the
notice
of
dismissal
as
improper.
Today,
Judge
Ebinger
ordered
Trump’s
lawyers
to
respond
to
that
motion
to
strike
within
24
hours.
Can’t
wait
to
see
what
vagaries
of
civil
procedure
these
geniuses
learn
next!
It’s
difficult
to
imagine
what
they’ll
say,
but
given
that
this
is
the
team
that
thinks
being
wrong
about
math
is
a
tort,
they’ll
undoubtedly
come
up
with
something.
But
for
all
intents
and
purposes,
even
if
they
win,
the
federal
court
will
enter
an
order
of
dismissal
dated
July
2
or
later.
And
that
means
the
deadline
for
Trump
to
sneak
into
state
court
ahead
of
the
new
anti-SLAPP
law
has
almost
certainly
come
and
gone.