I
was
shocked
that
President
Donald
Trump
launched
a
military
attack
on
Venezuela
to
kidnap
Nicolas
Maduro.
How
could
it
possibly
be
worth
it?
Why
give
up
a
shot
at
the
Nobel
Peace
Prize
in
exchange
for
only
Venezuelan
oil
and
a
single
narco-terrorist
(or
two,
if
you
count
the
spouse)?
What’s
in
it
for
Trump?
But
then
I
thought
about
it. Trump
probably
decided
that
the
damn
prize
committee
wouldn’t
award
him
the
Nobel
anyway. Trump
has
repeatedly
claimed
that
he’s
settled
eight
wars
in
the
past
few
months,
but
the
committee
might
ask
a
few
questions
about
those
wars.
First,
are
Trump’s
numbers
gross
or
net?
Trump
says
that
he’s
ended
eight
wars
since
he
took
office. But,
during
the
same
time,
Trump
has
ordered
the
military
to
bomb
seven
countries:
Yemen
(where
we
bombed
the
Houthis);
Somalia
(the
Islamic
State);
Syria
(the
Islamic
State);
Nigeria
(Islamic
State-linked
military
camps);
Iran
(nuclear
facilities);
Venezuela
(drug
boats,
loading
facility,
and
then
the
most
recent
attack);
and
Iraq
(Islamic
State
personnel).
That’s
quite
a
list
for
a
guy
who
says
he’ll
keep
the
United
States
out
of
foreign
conflicts.
How
are
we
supposed
to
count
this
list?
Do
we
give
Trump
credit
for
having
ended
eight
wars? Doing
his
best
to
start
seven
new
ones? Or
netting
it
all
out
to
leave
him
+1?
But
that’s
just
the
first
question.
Here’s
question
number
two: Has
Trump
actually
ended
any
of
the
eight
wars
for
which
he’s
claimed
credit?
Trump
claims
to
have
ended
the
war
between
Israel
and
Hamas. It’s
true
that
the
hostages
have
been
released,
and
the
two
sides
didn’t
kill
each
other
for
a
few
days. But
that’s
more
a
temporary
ceasefire
than
a
real
peace
agreement. The
Israelis
still
occupy
a
big
chunk
of
the
Gaza
Strip;
Hamas
does
not
appear
to
be
disarming;
the
two
sides
have
started
killing
each
other
again
(though
now
at
a
slower
rate);
and
there’s
no
sign
of
an
interim
governing
structure. Maybe
it
takes
more
than
a
news
conference
to
resolve
permanently
a
spat
in
which
the
competing
sides
have
been
killing
each
other
for
decades.
Trump
also
claims
to
have
ended
a
war
between
Israel
and
Iran,
but
that
wasn’t
an
actual
war. That
was
more
a
brief
exchange
of
missiles.
And
the
two
sides
continue
to
threaten
each
other
with
possible
future
missile
attacks
(with
Trump
chiming
in
that
he
may
join
that
fun).
I’m
not
sure
this
war
ever
started. If
it
did,
I’m
not
sure
that
it’s
over. No
credit
there.
Now
we
get
to
the
lesser
wars. You
may
never
have
heard
that
these
other
situations
were
wars,
but
Trump
claims
to
have
resolved
them. I
put
these
other
wars
in
the
same
category
as
the
Donald-Melania
war,
which
started
early
last
Tuesday
and
ended
late
Tuesday
night,
and
the
Donald-Gavin
war,
which
just
now
appears
to
be
breaking
out.
Anyway,
Egypt
and
Ethiopia
have
some
kind
pissing
match
over
the
Grand
Ethiopian
Renaissance
Dam. There
was
never
an
actual
shooting
war
there. I’m
not
sure
Trump
gets
credit
for
ending
a
war
that
never
started.
There
was
in
fact
shooting
along
the
border
between
India
and
Kashmir. Trump
says
that
U.S.
trade
concessions
helped
to
end
that
war. India,
however,
denies
that
any
trade-linked
talks
ever
took
place. I
think
that
if
Trump
ends
wars,
the
warring
parties
have
to
give
him
credit. Otherwise,
no
Nobel
Peace
Prize.
Things
are
tense
between
Serbia
and
Kosovo,
but
NATO
peacekeepers
are
on
the
ground
and
have
prevented
large-scale
fighting. Ooh,
ooh: If
the
Nobel
gang
gives
the
Peace
Prize
to
NATO,
one
president’s
gonna
be
mighty
pissed
off.
Rwanda
and
the
Democratic
Republic
of
Congo
have
a
conflict
involving
M-23,
a
Congolese
Tutsi-led
rebel
group. M-23
rejects
the
current
peace
deal,
because
it
excluded
them,
and
the
parties
have
started
killing
each
other
again. No
peace,
no
credit. Sorry,
Donald.
There
was
also
a
spat
between
Armenia
and
Azerbaijan. Trump
brought
the
parties
to
the
White
House,
but
they
haven’t
yet
signed
any
peace
deal,
and
the
situation
remains
tense. I
don’t
think
Trump
should
be
allowed
to
jump
the
gun
on
putting
down
the
guns.
There
was
a
border
clash
between
Thailand
and
Cambodia. The
U.S.
applied
pressure
and
there
was
a
ceasefire,
but
then
fighting
resumed,
and
then
there
was
another
ceasefire,
and
there
still
isn’t
a
definitive
end
to
the
conflict.
I’m
not
sure
that
Trump
has
actually
settled
any
wars. Perhaps
resolving
wars
requires
more
than
putting
people
in
a
room
for
a
few
minutes
and
asking
them
to
say
that
they’re
now
friends.
Even
if
Trump
has
ended
a
war,
he
may
well
be
instigating
more
than
he’s
ending. There’s
no
Nobel
Peace
Prize
for
that. I’m
pretty
sure
the
awards
committee
insists
on
a
net
positive.
But
now
I
understand
why
Trump
went
after
Venezuela: He
thought
he
was
out
of
the
running
for
the
Peace
Prize,
anyway,
so
he
might
as
well
start
something
new.
On
reflection,
however,
the
last
situation
—
where
Thailand
and
Cambodia
declared
a
ceasefire,
resumed
fighting,
and
then
declared
another
ceasefire
—
gave
me
a
thought. Trump
solved
that
war
once. It
started
again,
but
now
he
can
solve
it
yet
a
second
time. That
would
be
a ninth peace
deal
that
he’s
worked
out.
And
if
we
again
bomb
Iran,
and
then
Trump
works
out
a
new
peace
deal,
that
would
be ten. And
maybe
Trump
could
resolve
for
a
second
time
the
dispute
in
Rwanda. That
would
be eleven,
and
we’re
just
getting
started!
With
just
a
little
bit
of
work,
Trump
could
resolve
dozens
of
wars
by
the
end
of
next
year.
Maybe
I’m
wrong: Attacking
Venezuela
doesn’t
put
the
Nobel
Peace
Prize
out
of
reach
after
all.
Mark Herrmann spent
17
years
as
a
partner
at
a
leading
international
law
firm
and
later
oversaw
litigation,
compliance
and
employment
matters
at
a
large
international
company.
He
is
the
author
of The
Curmudgeon’s
Guide
to
Practicing
Law and Drug
and
Device
Product
Liability
Litigation
Strategy (affiliate
links).
You
can
reach
him
by
email
at [email protected].