Mind Your Gum, Please – See Also – Above the Law

Federal
Judge
Takes
Court
Room
Littering
Seriously:
Bet
they
won’t
treat
the
table
underside
as
a
gum
receptacle
again.
Make
Work-Life
Balance
A
Little
Easier!:
Vault
ran
the
numbers
to
see
which
firms
are
your
best
bet.
Much
Ado
About
Two
Days:
Trump
administration
sues
District
of
Maryland
for
not
letting
it
disappear
people
immediately.
Sullivan
&
Cromwell
Is
Publicly
Cozying
Up
With
The
President’s
People:
Not
a
good
look
for
the
firm.
Remember
The
Fish
Tank
In
The
Yale
Law
Library?:
It
will
soon
be
a
memory
come
July
1st.

Karen Read Post-Trial Arguments Get Saucy – Above the Law


For
him
to
attempt
to
supplant
his
personal
views
for
that
of
the
jury
is
a
desperate
attempt
to
save
face
in
the
wake
of
a
unanimous
rejection
of
the
prosecution’s
case.



—
Karen
Read
attorney
Alan
Jackson,

responding
to
an
earlier
statement

by
special
prosecutor
Hank
Brennan.
The

prosecutor’s
statement

alluded
to
witness
intimidation
as
undermining
the
verdict.
Jackson’s
response
cited
the
professional
rules
to
admonish
Brennan
that
prosecutors
should
not
question
the
legitimacy
of
the
justice
system.
Read
was
acquitted
in
the
case
of
the
January
2022
death
of
her
boyfriend,
Boston
Police
Officer
John
O’Keefe.  

Trump Administration Goes Full Sovereign Citizen And Sues ALL THE JUDGES! – Above the Law

Garbage…
like
this
complaint.
(Photo
by
Chip
Somodevilla/Getty
Images)

Somewhere
in
the
Department
of
Justice,
a
light
flickered
and
someone
fresh
off
losing
a
night
of
Constitution-themed
bar
trivia
with
Pete
Hegseth
decided
to
sue
the
entire
bench
of
the
U.S.
District
Court
for
the
District
of
Maryland.
Every.
Single.
Judge.
Plus
the
Clerk.
And
the
court
itself.

In
that
court.

The
complaint,
which
reads
like
it
was
drafted
at
a
sovereign
citizen
potluck,
is
a
broadside
against
the
Maryland
federal
courts
for
imposing
a
standing
order
requiring
two
business
days
between
someone
filing
a
petition
for
habeas
relief
and
the
Trump
White
House
disappearing
that
person
to
an
El
Salvadoran
slave
camp.

And
lest
you
think
the
sovereign
citizen
comparison
is
too
much,
the
complaint
goes
into
unrelated
grievance
farming
in
paragraph
2…
before
it
even
gets
into
the
instant
dispute!

Despite
these
elementary
principles,
in
recent
months
and
years,
district
courts
have
used
and
abused
their
equitable
powers
to
interfere
with
the
prerogatives
of
the
Executive
Branch
to
an
unprecedented
degree.
In
the
first
100
days
of
President
Trump’s
current
Term,
district
courts
have
entered
more
nationwide
injunctions
than
in
the
100
years
from
1900
to
2000,
requiring
the
Supreme
Court
to
intervene
again
and
again
in
recent
weeks
to
pause
the
unlawful
restraint
of
the
President’s
exercise
of
core
Article
II
powers.

It
feels
like
some
of
us
were
looking
for
nationwide
injunction
reform
back
when
anyone
could
forge
a
library
card
in
Amarillo
and
strike
down
abortion
treatments
in
Chicago.
I
wonder
where
these
folks
were
then.


Psst.
They
were
in
Amarillo.

Anyway,
the
DOJ’s
jeremiad
over
injunctive
relief
tangentially
relates
to
the
Maryland
order
because,
through
the
constitutional
funhouse
mirrors
over
at
DOJ,
this
48-hour
processing
break
is
an
“automatic
injunction”
giving
every
petitioner
the
equivalent
of
an
exploding
preliminary
injunction
regardless
of
the
circumstances
underlying
the
case.
These
are
the
same
people
who
scream
bloody
murder
and
insinuate
foul
play
whenever
they
aren’t
given
a
week
to
brief

a
temporary
restraining
order
pending
full
briefin
g
so
it’s
a
natural
extension
from
there
to
“it’s
UNLEGAL
that
we
can’t
preemptively
moot
habeas
petitions.”

To
be
clear,
the
order
does
not
actually
require
the
court
to
decide
the
order
or
even
hear
it
—
it
just
grants
the
courts
48
hours
to
keep
up
with
the
administration’s
escalating
and
haphazard
immigration
enforcement
efforts.
As
this
administration
has
already
taken
the
public
stance
that
once
they
get

someone
over
international
waters
they
no
longer
have
to
acknowledge
due
process
,
you
can
understand
why
a
court
might
adopt
a
cooling
off
period
before
a
petitioner
gets
ghosted
out
of
the
country.

That’s
just
docket
triage.

This
isn’t
even
a
fringe
interpretation
of
the
court’s
proper
function.
THE
SUPREME
COURT
of
all
institutions

unanimously

ruled
that
these
deportees
must
be
afforded
due
process
and,
for
the
purposes
of
the
Alien
Enemies
Act,
that

explicitly
manifests
itself
in
the
form
of
a
writ
of
habeas
corpus
.
The
DOJ
has
taken
to

openly
misquoting
that
opinion

so
they
clearly
don’t
care
about
it
and

Kristi
Noem
has
no
idea
what
the
fuck
habeas
even
is
,
but
for
the
rest
of
us,
especially
the
judges
of
the
District
of
Maryland,
that
decision
tends
to
suggest
that
habeas
has
a
role
to
play
in
ICE’s
summer
stock
presentation
of

The
Purge
.

In
particular,
district
courts
lack
jurisdiction
to
hear
challenges
arising
from
removal
proceedings
or
to
issue
orders
that
enjoin
or
restrain
execution
of
removal
orders.

Shockingly,
the
next
sentence
is
not
about
how
the

gold-fringe
on
the
courthouse
flags

makes
them

really

maritime
courts.
It’s
not
much
more
coherent
though.

Congress
has
instead
expressly
and
intentionally
channeled
challenges
to
removal
proceedings
to
a
specific
process
in
the
courts
of
appeals
and
imposed
various
other
bars
on
judicial
review.
Defendants’
automatic
injunction
thus
extends
relief
as
of
right
that
district
courts
entirely
lack
jurisdiction
to
issue.

And
in
those
cases…
the
government
will
win.
When
the
government
mistakenly
nabs
a
U.S.
citizen
off
the
street
saying
he’s
a
gang
member
from
Agrabah,
that
person
is
going
to
have
a
habeas
case
that
probably
should
get
heard
before
he
ends
up
in
South
Sudan.

The
Orders
can
also
adversely
impact
the
operational
planning
necessary
to
coordinate
a
removal,
especially
a
removal
of
an
alien
to
a
country
that
is
recalcitrant
about
accepting
the
alien.
Removals
can
take
months
of
sensitive
diplomacy
to
arrange
and
often
do
not
completely
come
together
until
the
last
minute.
A
delay
can
undo
all
of
those
arrangements
and
require
months
of
additional
work
before
removal
can
be
attempted
again.

Months,
eh?
Good
thing
this
is
only
two
days
then!

These
are
the
people
who
held
a
guy
in
El
Salvador
for
83
days

after

they
knew
they
sent
him
by
mistake.
They
kept
Mahmoud
Khalil
locked
up
for
104
days
for
free
speechifying.
These
folks
don’t
exactly
have
a
fire
under
their
asses
to
get
their
work
done.

The
government
keeps
stepping
on
rakes
as
it
attempts
to
articulate
a
harm
because
every
“harm”
it
comes
up
with
applies
to
the
mere
existence
of
habeas
corpus,
not
the
order.
The
quasi-cognizable
legal
theory
in
this
case
is
that
the
courts
should
have
to
issue

individual

48
hour
stays
for
each
petition
filed.
OK…
but
all
of
the
government’s
bitching
and
moaning
about
bed
space
and
the
freedom
to
magic
up
“delicate
diplomacy”
at
a
moment’s
notice
would
still
happen.
Without
the
standing
order
it
would

hypothetically

happen…
less?
That’s
not
particularly
compelling.

Trump’s
goons,
as
they
say,
protest
too
much.
They
can’t
deal
with
a
48
hour
window
to
paper
up
a
quick
habeas
response

because
they
don’t
have
one
.
Making
this
a
literal
federal
case
only
shines
a
light
on
this.
Not
to
give
the
administration
advice
in
evil,
but
if
they
just
kept
their
mouths
shut
they’d
succeed
with
the
overwhelming
majority
of
these
deportations,
both
because
the
courts
have
made
habeas
cases
hard
to
win
and,
more
importantly,
because
most
of
these
people
probably

don’t
realize
they
even
have
habeas
rights
to
exercise!

They’ve
basically
Streisand
Effect-ed
the
Constitution,
which…
thanks,
I
guess?

But
winning
this
case
probably
isn’t
the
goal
as
much
as
putting
on
a
pity
party
pageant
for
the
audience
in
the
White
House.

Oh,
the
mean
judges
are
out
to
get
you,
sir,
but
we’re
fighting
for
you
because
they’re
a
bunch
of
radical
hacks
(even
if
you
appointed
one
of
them).

Pure
sycophancy
in
the
form
of
legal
process.

Every
unlawful
order
entered
by
the
district
courts
robs
the
Executive
Branch
of
its
most
scarce
resource:
time
to
put
its
policies
into
effect.
In
the
process,
such
orders
diminish
the
votes
of
the
citizens
who
elected
the
head
of
the
Executive
Branch.

Calm
down
sport.
The
judges
aren’t
suspending
elections
—
that’s
for
the
Supreme
Court
in
a
couple
years
—
they’re
making
sure
no
meritorious
claims
get
lost
in
a
sea
of
paperwork.
AT
THE
COST
OF
TWO
DAYS.

Just
performative
venting
so
Pam
Bondi
has
something
to
talk
about
at
the
next
North
Korea
inspired
cabinet
meeting
between
Sean
Duffy
explaining
that
America
doesn’t
really
need
Newark
Airport
anyway
and
RFK
Jr.
leading
a
teach-in
about
“balancing
the
humors.”

Just
a
complete
waste
of
time…
and
one
that
will
manage
to
waste
more
than
two
days.


(Complaint
on
the
next
page…)




HeadshotJoe
Patrice
 is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law
and
co-host
of

Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer
.
Feel
free
to email
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments.
Follow
him
on Twitter or

Bluesky

if
you’re
interested
in
law,
politics,
and
a
healthy
dose
of
college
sports
news.
Joe
also
serves
as
a

Managing
Director
at
RPN
Executive
Search
.

Sullivan & Cromwell Co-Chair Pays A Visit To Second Circuit To Affirm His Loyalty To Trump – Above the Law

Bob
Giuffra

Sullivan
&
Cromwell
co-chair
Bob
Giuffra
is

working
his
way
up

the
MAGA
hierarchy.
Yesterday,
he
was

spotted
by
Business
Insider’s
Jacob
Shamsian

at
the
Second
Circuit
argument
in
the
E.
Jean
Carroll
defamation
case
where
the
president’s
lawyers
were
arguing
that
presidential
immunity
should
invalidate
the
$83.3
million
jury
verdict
against
their
client
for
defamation.
At
the
argument,
Giuffra
was
seen
with

Boris
Epshteyn
,
the
controversial
personal
attorney
of
Donald
Trump.

Now
Giuffra
*does*
represent
the
president
—

Sullivan
&
Cromwell
is
handling

Trump’s
appeal
of
his
hush
money
conviction.
Though
that
is…
not
this
case.

This
left
a
lot
of
observers
wondering:
what
the
hell
was
Giuffra
doing
there?

Giuffra’s
time
is
very
valuable
—
down
to
the
6
minute
interval
—
so
he’s
getting
*something*
out
of
the
appearance.
Some
useful
networking
perhaps?
It’s
not
that
he
needs
to
hear
the
argument,
yes
presidential
immunity
is
also
an
issue
in
Giuffra’s
case,
but
the
oral
arguments
are

available
online
.
If
“keeping
abreast
of
developments
in
presidential
immunity
jurisprudence”
was
all
Giuffra
cared
about,
he
could
tune
in
online
and
save
himself
the
travel
time
(on
one
of
the
hottest
days
of
the
year,
no
less).

But
I
have
to
wonder
just
how
this
schmoozing
is
going
down
at
S&C.
There
was
a
lot
of

internal
turmoil

when
Giuffra
announced
the
representation.
Representing
an
adjudicated
sex
pest,
with
a
history
of
dictating
a
brash
(and
not
very
S&C-like)
litigation
strategy
(and
then
stiffing
his
lawyers
to
boot!)
had
a
real
way
of
draining
morale.
The
everyone-deserves-a-criminal-defense
argument
wears
pretty
thin
when
Giuffra
is
showing
up
for
funsies
in
a
civil
case
where
the

judge
had
to
repeatedly
clarify

that
the
trial
“conclusively
establish[ed]
that
Mr.
Trump
did,
forcibly
and
without
her
consent,
penetrate
Ms.
Carroll’s
vagina
with
his
fingers.”

Unsavory
for
a
White
Shoe
firm
doesn’t
even
begin
to
cover
it.




Kathryn
Rubino
is
a
Senior
Editor
at
Above
the
Law,
host
of

The
Jabot
podcast
,
and
co-host
of

Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer
.
AtL
tipsters
are
the
best,
so
please
connect
with
her.
Feel
free
to
email

her

with
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments
and
follow
her
on
Twitter

@Kathryn1
 or
Mastodon

@[email protected].

Police Officer Hands Over Rape Victim To Attacker, Woman Later Found Murdered

The
officer,
Thembani
Mukanyani
(39),
and
his
accomplice,
Cabangani
“Mike”
Mathe
(35),
are
charged
with
the
brutal
murder
of
Benitta
Tshuma.

Tshuma
was
supposed
to
be
safe
in
police
custody
after
reporting
a
rape
case
against
Mathe
when
Mukanyani
allegedly
handed
her
over
to
Mathe
late
at
night.

It
is
believed
that
Mathe
took
her
across
the
border
to
Botswana,
where
he
beat
her
to
death.
The
case
came
to
light
when
her
decomposed
body
was
discovered,
and
witnesses
said
that
she
was
last
seen
with
Mukanyani.
This
led
to
the
arrest
of
both
men.

They
first
appeared
in
the
Plumtree
Magistrates’
Court
on
June
11,
where
Magistrate
Ailene
Munamati
remanded
them
in
custody
until
June
25.

The
courtroom
was
filled
with
women
demanding
justice,
many
expressing
their
anger
and
sharing
their
own
experiences
of
abuse
at
the
hands
of
the
accused.
State
prosecutor
Ruth
Ncube
is
overseeing
the
case.

New Tax Promises a Larger Fleet of Emergency Vehicles in Harare. Residents are Skeptical


This
story
was
originally
published
by

Global
Press
Journal.


HARARE,
ZIMBABWE

—
A
few
days
after
giving
birth
to
her
youngest
daughter
in
May
2024,
Shirley
Celebrate
Mkono,
a
34-year-old
mother
of
four,
went
to
her
local
clinic
to
seek
help
for
persistent
headaches.
Nursing
staff
worried
she
could
have
uncontrolled
hypertension,
recalls
Mkono
as
she
cradles
her
daughter,
now
1
year
old.

“The
attending
nurse
informed
me
that
my
blood
pressure
was
extremely
high
and
I
could
collapse
at
any
point,”
she
says.

After
a
few
minutes,
Mkono
agreed
to
call
a
private
ambulance
for
US$30.
Even
so,
she
waited
four
distressing
hours
for
help
to
come.

“If
the
clinic
had
an
ambulance
in
sight,
it
could
not
have
taken
this
long,”
she
says.
“I
could
have
died.”

Only
four
public
ambulances
serve
Harare’s
over
2.4
million
people,
far
short
of
the
32
ambulances
the
city
says
it
needs;
it
would
take
a
fleet
of
48
to
bring
Harare
in
line
with
international
guidelines
of
one
ambulance
for
every
50,000
people.

In
February,
the
city
council
introduced
a
monthly
emergency
services
levy
of
US$1
per
household
to
fund
additional
ambulances
for
council
clinics,
collected
as
part
of
the
monthly
electric
bill.
However,
the
council’s
poor
track
record
in
managing
public
funds
has
made
residents
and
watchdog
groups
skeptical
that
the
money
raised
will
be
deployed
with
transparency
and
accountability.

The
local
authority
has
been
grappling
with
health
care
financing
for
a
long
time,
says
Reuben
Akili,
director
of
Combined
Harare
Residents
Association.
Akili
says
the
emergency
levy
will
only
be
effective
if
it
is
collected
and
spent
locally
to
stop
funds
from
being
diverted.

“There
must
be
a
mechanism
in
place
that
ensures
the
money
is
ring-fenced
to
buy
ambulances
in
places
where
that
money
was
collected,”
he
says.

Mkono,
who
lives
in
the
suburb
of
Glen
View,
is
doubtful
the
levy
will
serve
its
purpose.

“There
is
a
lot
of
corruption
at
the
local
authority.
We
pay
for
refuse
collection
about
$8
per
month,
but
they
don’t
carry
the
refuse.
I
remember
I
last
saw
a
refuse
truck
in
my
area
in
October
last
year
after
the
mayor
visited
our
area,”
she
says.

Embezzlement
is
a
persistent
problem
in
local
councils,
as
highlighted
in
a
2024
analysis
of
local
authorities
conducted
by
the
Southern
African
Parliamentary
Support
Trust
and
a
coalition
of
local
nongovernmental
organizations.
Diversion
of
funds
from
critical
services
like
health
care
and
sanitation
has
contributed
to
a
cycle
of
mistrust
and
disillusionment,
where
citizens
are
reluctant
to
pay
toward
public
expenditures
that
don’t
actually
improve
local
services.


“If
the
clinic
had
an
ambulance
in
sight,
it
could
not
have
taken
this
long.
I
could
have
died.”

Akili
says
the
scarcity
of
public
ambulance
services
has
led
people
who
can
afford
it
to
use
private
taxis,
which
can
cost
US$10
to
US$20.

In
May
2024,
President
Emmerson
Mnangagwa
set
up
an
inquiry
into
the
opposition-led
Harare
City
Council
following
reports
of
corruption
and
financial
mismanagement.
The
inquiry
revealed
that
the
city
council
has
misspent
more
than
US$1
million,
with
executives
spending
over
US$125,000
per
year
on
holidays
even
as
the
city
fails
to
provide
adequate
services.

Mkono
questions
why
the
local
authority
is
adding
another
levy
on
residents
who
already
pay
user
fees
when
they
seek
medical
care
in
council
clinics.

“They
should
buy
ambulances
with
that
money,”
she
says.

In
a
written
update
to
residents
on
recently
introduced
levies,
which
also
include
a
US$1
streetlight
levy
and
US$1
water
levy,
Precious
Shumba,
director
of
Harare
Residents’
Trust,
says
the
new
fees
were
never
presented
and
discussed
during
the
annual
budget
consultations
the
city
council
held
across
Harare
in
September
2024.
Without
an
accurate,
transparent
and
functional
billing
system
in
place,
Shumba
writes,
the
levies
“add
to
a
long
list
of
revenue
streams
that
have
the
potential
to
be
abused
by
the
cartels
running
the
affairs
of
the
City
of
Harare.”

Caroline
Machivenyika
accompanied
her
17-year-old
pregnant
daughter
to
the
local
clinic
in
December
last
year.
When
they
got
there,
her
daughter
was
referred
to
a
hospital
because
she
was
underage,
but
Machivenyika
learned
she’d
need
US$70
to
get
a
private
ambulance
to
take
them;
the
city
ambulances
were
unavailable.

“I
only
had
US$50
on
me;
I
explained
my
situation,
and
after
an
hour,
a
private
ambulance
arrived,”
she
recalls.

Transfers
of
expectant
mothers
and
traffic
collisions
constitute
the
bulk
of
emergency
incidents
that
require
ambulance
services
in
the
city.

Like
many
other
residents,
Machivenyika
has
doubts
about
whether
any
funds
raised
through
the
levy
will
genuinely
buy
ambulances.

“We
have
lost
trust
in
the
local
authority
because
the
necessities
that
we
are
paying
for
are
not
being
adequately
provided.
For
instance,
we
only
get
water
three
times
a
week,
but
we
pay
for
these
services
each
month,”
says
the
mother
of
four.

Gamuchirai
Masiyiwa,
GPJ
Zimbabwe

Caroline
Machivenyika,
right,
with
her
mother,
Esther
Machivenyika,
at
their
home
in
Glen
Norah.
Caroline
Machivenyika
had
to
wait
an
hour
and
pay
US$50
for
a
private
ambulance
because
there
wasn’t
a
public
one
available.
Like
many
residents,
she
questions
whether
Harare’s
new
monthly
emergency
levy
will
lead
to
real
improvements
in
ambulance
service.

But
she
says
residents’
unpaid
bills
are
also
an
important
reason
the
local
authority
struggles
to
provide
adequate
services.

“They
are
supposed
to
close
access
to
water
for
houses
with
unpaid
bills,
but
when
council
workers
come,
people
pay
$5
bribes
and
they
leave.
Others
are
not
even
moved
because
they
do
not
have
access
to
water
daily
and
do
not
care
even
if
their
water
meters
are
disconnected
by
the
council,”
she
says.

Stanley
Gama,
head
of
corporate
communications
for
Harare
City
Council,
did
not
respond
to
several
requests
for
comment.

Only
one-third
of
African
countries
have
emergency
medical
services,
and
most
of
them
require
patients
to
pay
a
fee.

Upon
reaching
the
hospital,
Mkono
was
cared
for
and
sent
home
within
30
minutes.
She
got
a
prescription
for
a
month’s
worth
of
medication
to
take
at
home,
and
her
condition
quickly
resolved.

Ambulances
used
to
arrive
promptly
when
there
was
a
need,
recalls
Machivenyika’s
mother,
Esther
Machivenyika,
75.

“I
remember
in
1995
when
my
husband
got
sick
at
home,
we
called
in
an
ambulance
and
it
did
not
take
an
hour
to
come
through
and
he
was
immediately
taken
to
the
hospital,”
she
says
as
she
shells
peanuts.

In
the
1980s,
Zimbabwe
had
a
strong
ambulance
system
with
well-trained
personnel,
including
a
public
service
in
Harare.
But
decades
of
economic
instability
have
left
emergency
services
unable
to
maintain
or
procure
modern
equipment.

Now,
Esther
Machivenyika
says
a
patient
has
to
pay
cash
up
front
to
get
assistance.

“You
can
die
while
negotiating
payment,”
she
says.

Even
if
people
pay
the
emergency
levy,
she
has
no
hope
of
a
change
in
the
situation
because
of
what
she
sees
as
a
culture
of
greed
in
public
service.

“They
are
now
seeing
money
as
more
important
than
a
person’s
health,”
she
says.
“Even
at
health
facilities,
you
have
to
pay
a
bribe
to
get
good
service
from
nurses.”

Yale Law Library Aquarium Set To Sleep With The Fishes – Above the Law

Part
of
learning
to
love
your
law
school
is
learning
about
the
little
idiosyncrasies
that
separates
it
from
every
other
law
school.
A
few
examples:
Albany
Law
school
has
a
basketball
court
in
the
middle
of
it,
Harvard
Law
holds
the
record
for
the
most
graduates
to
serve
on
the
Supreme
Court,
and
the
University
of
Florida
Levin
College
of
Law

boasts
a
Trump
appointed
judge
that
gave
a
student
who
openly
called
for
non-white
disenfranchisement
and
killing
Jews
an
A
in
an
Originalism
class
.
Unique
distinctions
aplenty!

Another
aspect
is
a
little
more
bittersweet
—
remembering
the
things
that
used
to
be
there.
If
you
studied
in
the
Lillian
Goldman
Law
Library
over
the
last
twenty
years,
that
fish
tank
you
remember
will
be
no
more.

Yale
Daily
News

has
coverage:

After
more
than
20
years,
the
Yale
Law
School
library’s
freshwater
fish
tank
is
about
to
be
removed.

Law
Librarian
Femi
Cadmus,
who
manages
the
library,
announced
the
plans
to
remove
the
tank
in
an
email
to
library
staff
last
month,
citing
“immediate
budget
cuts”
starting
July
1. 

“After
careful
deliberation
with
Law
School
Administration,
the
operations
of
the
Fish
Tank
will
cease
at
the
end
of
June
2025,”
Cadmus
wrote
in
the
May
23
email
obtained
by
the
News.

Budget
cuts?

Barring
Yale
Law’s
$1.2B
share
of
the
general
Yale
endowment
as
of
2022
,
does
Yale
not
know
that
they’re
Yale?
They
have
a
vast
network
of
alumni
donors
—
they
should
only
be
a
quick
email
blast
from
getting
the
funding
they
need.
Doesn’t
even
have
to
be
the
whole
alumni
listserv
–
any
Yale
Law
graduates
that
also
enrolled
in
an
Ichthyology
course
in
undergrad
or
listened
to
the
gurgle
of
the
tank
as
they
memorized
the
mirror
image
rule
are
their
Glenngary
leads.
Sure,
maintaining
the
180
gallon
fish
tank
likely
costs
a
pretty
penny,
but
they
have
a
pool
of
alumni
that
can
buy
elections
when
they
feel
like
it.

I’d
suggest
we
pour
one
out
for
the
fish
tank,
but
that’s
kind
of
the
problem,
no?
Let’s
raise
a
glass
to
the
memories
instead.


Yale
Law
School
Fish
Tank
To
Be
Removed,
Internal
Email
Says

[Yale
Daily
News]



Chris
Williams
became
a
social
media
manager
and
assistant
editor
for
Above
the
Law
in
June
2021.
Prior
to
joining
the
staff,
he
moonlighted
as
a
minor
Memelord™
in
the
Facebook
group Law
School
Memes
for
Edgy
T14s
.
 He
endured
Missouri
long
enough
to
graduate
from
Washington
University
in
St.
Louis
School
of
Law.
He
is
a
former
boatbuilder
who
is
learning
to
swim, is
interested
in
critical
race
theory,
philosophy,
and
humor,
and
has
a
love
for
cycling
that
occasionally
annoys
his
peers.
You
can
reach
him
by
email
at [email protected]
and
by
tweet
at @WritesForRent.

Lawyers Hate Marketing But This Might Make Them Hate It Less – Above the Law

Lawyers
are
some
of
the
worst
marketers
on
Earth.
Not
because
they’re
dumb,
but
because
the
skillset
that
makes
a
good
lawyer
rarely
overlaps
with
sales.
An
attorney
keeps
their
nose
to
the
detail
grindstone
and
if
they
find
an
extra
minute
they’d
rather
put
it
into
the
work
than
self-promotion.
A
lot
of
lawyers
view
the
over-the-top
billboard
set
as
gauche
—
while
refusing
to
admit
they
hum
“800-888-8888”
to
themselves
to
go
to
sleep
—
but
those
firms
understand
that
lawyering
requires
a
client
walking
through
the
door.
And
just
because
most
lawyers
don’t
need
the
volume
of
plaintiff
megafirms,
doesn’t
mean
they
don’t
have
to
do

a
different
flavor
of
marketing
.

So
it’s
not
surprising
that
a
lot
of
law
firms
think
of
marketing
data
the
way
medieval
monks
thought
of
leeching:
maybe
useful,
vaguely
dangerous,
and
only
to
be
consulted
after
praying
the
problem
goes
away.

This
morning,

Scorpion

and

Clio

announced
a
new
strategic
partnership
promises
to
bring
marketing
data
to
lawyers
so
they
can
finally
replace
gut
feel
and
anecdotal
wins
with
full-funnel
reporting.

Scorpion’s
product
—
powered,
of
course,
by
AI,
because
it’s
2025
and
everything
is
—
integrated
with
Clio’s
legal
operating
system
promises
to
make
it
easy
to
see
which
marketing
efforts
lead
to
retained
clients
and
real
revenue. 

One
of
the
biggest
advantages
is
how
seamlessly
we
can
now
tie
our
marketing
efforts
to
actual
revenue.
Instead
of
relying
on
surface-level
metrics,
we
can
see
exactly
which
channels
and
campaigns
are
driving
retained
clients
and
meaningful
growth.
This
level
of
detail
helps
us
refine
our
strategies,
allocate
resources
more
effectively,
and
ultimately
improve
ROI.
Understanding
our
data
at
this
depth
has
given
us
a
competitive
edge.
It
ensures
we
aren’t
just
making
assumptions
about
what
works—we
have
the
clarity
to
double
down
on
what
truly
drives
results.”
–
David
Zwanetz,
Shapiro
Zwanetz
&
Lake

It’s
not
revolutionary
in
the
abstract.
But
in
law
land,
where
many
firms
still
run
their
operations
on
a
patchwork
of
Outlook
calendars,
handwritten
intake
forms,
and
feral
paralegals,
it
might
as
well
be
a
moon
landing.

According
to
the
press
release,
the
partnership
will
bring
all
the
strands
together:



  • Clear
    ROI
    from
    Every
    Marketing
    Dollar:

    Track
    every
    step
    from
    lead
    to
    retained
    client
    with
    full-funnel
    reporting
    that
    ties
    campaigns
    directly
    to
    actual
    cases,
    not
    just
    clicks
    or
    calls. 


  • End-to-End
    Lead
    Management:

    Website
    leads
    from
    Scorpion
    automatically
    sync
    into
    Clio
    Grow,
    eliminating
    manual
    entry
    and
    accelerating
    client
    follow-up.


  • Better
    Data-Driven
    Decisions:

    With
    real-time
    performance
    data
    from
    Clio
    Manage,
    campaigns
    are
    optimized
    based
    on
    what
    delivers
    the
    most
    value
    for
    firms.


  • Frictionless
    Client
    Intake:

    Streamline
    the
    conversion
    of
    marketing
    leads
    into
    active
    cases
    within
    Clio’s
    case
    management
    system.


  • Targeted
    Growth
    Through
    AI:

    Scorpion’s
    proprietary
    AI
    identifies
    and
    targets
    high-value
    prospects,
    helping
    firms
    reach
    the
    right
    clients
    and
    avoid
    wasted
    spend.


  • Joint
    Innovation
    :
    Clio
    and
    Scorpion
    will
    co-develop
    new,
    exclusive
    solutions
    that
    give
    firms
    deeper
    insights
    into
    case
    progress
    and
    marketing
    ROI,
    enabling
    even
    smarter
    decisions
    and
    more
    profitable
    growth. 

It’s
doubtful
that
this
will
make
lawyers
suddenly
love
marketing,
but
it
might
at
least
ease
the
pain
of
opening
up
that
marketing
tab.

And
for
an
industry
that
still
thinks
“word
of
mouth”
is
an
end-all
strategy,
that’s
progress.




HeadshotJoe
Patrice
 is
a
senior
editor
at
Above
the
Law
and
co-host
of

Thinking
Like
A
Lawyer
.
Feel
free
to email
any
tips,
questions,
or
comments.
Follow
him
on Twitter or

Bluesky

if
you’re
interested
in
law,
politics,
and
a
healthy
dose
of
college
sports
news.
Joe
also
serves
as
a

Managing
Director
at
RPN
Executive
Search
.

2025 Legal Industry Report: State Of Immigration – Above the Law

The
U.S.
immigration
system
is
undergoing
rapid
transformation,
notes
James
Pittman,
a
former
immigration
lawyer
and
co-founder
of
Docketwise.

A
new
report
authored
by
Mr.
Pittman,
2025
Legal
Industry
Report:
State
of
Immigration,
shares
valuable
data
to
help
immigration
lawyers
better
serve
their
clients.

Download
the
eBook
for
insights
on
key
areas including:

  • Permanent
    residency
  • Naturalization
  • Nonimmigrant
    visas
  • Asylum

Fill
out
the
form
to
download
your
copy.